Protect and Survive II: Raising The Stakes
by RowenaR
Summary: Laura Cadman is caught between a rock and a hard place. Or maybe rather between her heart and her head? Anyway, it's never easy when a certain Doctor and Major are involved.
1. Prologue

**Author:** RowenaR

**Rating:** T

**Category: **Action/Adventure/Drama

**Disclaimer:** Stargate belongs to Gekko and… all those other people making money with it. Anyway, I don't. Honestly. So – I don't own, you don't sue. Deal?

**Summary: **Laura Cadman is caught between a rock and a hard place. Or maybe rather between her heart and her head? Anyway, it's never easy when a certain Doctor and Major are involved.

**A/N: **Here we go again. A resolution to the end of "Might just save your life"... but nothing ever is as easy as it seems, at least not in _my _stories ;) Let's see how this one plays out.

Anyway, as always: Not a native speaker, so please excuse any weird grammatical constructions, tapeworm sentences (tapeworm sentence? is that even a word?) and typos. Feedback will earn you a cookie, flames will roast my marshmellows.

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**Raising the stakes**

"_You ask me to believe in magic  
Expect me to commit suicide of the heart  
And you ask me to play this game without question  
Raising the stakes on this shotgun roulette."_

_Runrig, "Every River"_

**Prologue**

Punch, step, right, left, right.

She misses him.

Kick, punch, hook.

It's been the predominant thought on her mind for the last two weeks.

Right, left, knee, punch.

She misses him. As simple, yet as complicated as that. She misses his smile, his steady presence, even his cryptic remarks. She misses the late-night conversations and the bantering. She misses the dimples and the storyteller's voice. She misses everything about him. As much… as much as she'd missed Carson when he'd still been dead, except that Evan's still there, which only serves to double the pain.

And because she doesn't want to be reminded of the pain, she has another go at the sandbag in her room. She's tried running to get all of this out of her head, but she has found out that only good old violence can help her get a grip on everything. And so she puts everything into her kicks and punches, until it hurts.

She knows she shouldn't be doing this to herself, mostly because it's her own fault. She shouldn't have run away like this, but it had just been way too much for her. The trouble with Carson, Evan's helpless shrug, really looking like for once in his life he had no idea what to say or do, her own confusing feelings… Just too much.

And after that… she just hadn't had the heart to talk to him again… or Carson, come to think of it. There is, of course, a considerable amount of embarrassment on her side for being so blind – willfully, at that – for all these weeks and for her reaction. She knows she has hurt Evan as much as Carson and has no idea how to get it right anymore.

All this confusion and insecurity makes her angry at herself. It's not some Wraith face she sees in front of her, not some Genii… it's not even Carson or Evan, she sees. Nuh-uh, sir, she sees herself. She's a Marine, she should be able to handle this.

The worst thing is that she feels that it's already starting to show in her performance. She hasn't exactly become sloppy, but now and then, when she doesn't have to concentrate too hard, her mind is just a little off. A bit like when she had these weird spells with feeling Carson's presence in the weeks after his death, before she had returned to Earth. Only now it's not some ghostly presence, it's two very real men that give her headaches.

Two real men she could run into every day, she _does_ run into occasionally. And every time she does, they're all very civil, polite, professional… and it hurts. It hurts more than silence or anger, she had to discover. She's been on one mission with Evan ever since the Balcony Incident, and it had been _horrible_. Not in the way of the one with the crazed villagers, mind you. No, it's been a nice, tidy babysitter mission for some of the linguists on a planet with nothing more than a few ruins and the occasional mid-sized animal.

And so usually you sit around while the scientists do their scanning and prodding, with the occasional alarming shriek which makes you go into combat mode only to discover that one of them just made their discovery of a life time. Then you grumble a little and go back to sitting around and occasionally checking the perimeters.

There had been a time – before all this messing around had started – when they would use the idle time for exchanging stories from their respective times serving in the SGC or from their training or about their families. Or maybe place a few bets on selected scientists, banter a little… all the things friends do. Of course they would still call each other "Lieutenant" and "Major", but they'd be comfortable around each other.

But then they had to go and spoil everything with all this emotional mess. And because she'd been too afraid and too confused to clean up the mess, they went on the babysitter mission with lots of time on their hands and instead of friendship only awkwardness and politeness and professionalism. They'd barely spoken and not exactly tried to ignore each other, but rather ignored the fact that only a week ago he'd amused her with Westley's and Buttercup's adventures and she'd been happy to listen to it.

She'd told herself after that that she would fix this but so far she's done a piss-poor job of it, mostly because she's just been way too much of a coward to actually talk to Carson or Evan. Every time she tells herself that _now_ she really has to do it, she stands in front of either one's quarters, has her hand ready to knock… and lets it sink again, unable to do the last step. It's downright annoying her.

How come she had enough confidence in her knowledge about human behavior, flirting and all that stuff to try and help Rodney in his endeavors with Katie Brown but has no idea how to sort out the mess her own love life has become? She could tell Captain Reece _exactly_ what she has to do to either finally net her team leader or send him out the door, and she knows it would _work_. She could tell Dr. Parrish that one of the girls from the IT department finds him rather cute and how he could get her into a date, and it would _work_. But for some odd, stupid, god-forsaken reason she can't do _anything_ right in her own life.

It's this feeling of ineptitude that makes her deliver a few extra hard punches on the sandbag that really make her hands hurt. A picture flashes through her mind. Evan's right hand, with a bandage around it, only one or two days after the mission that somehow set everything of this in motion… She pauses.

Was that the "accident" that had happened to him? Had he, somehow, somewhere felt the same need to release the tension and the stress with punching something? She sure hopes it was some_thing_ instead of some_one_, but she can't remember anyone running around the city with something that could have been caused by a blow strong enough to bruise a hand bad enough that it had to be wrapped.

She wishes she'd offered him some support back then. He wouldn't have talked to her about it, but she could have done a better job of telling him not to worry too much or accuse himself of things that hadn't been his fault anyway. But _no_, she had to go and blow it all up about a couple of sketches.

Her chest still heaving a little after her… _extensive_ work-out, she turns around to her desk. There the sketchbook lies around, like a lurking presence reminding her time and again of what an idiot she is. And if that isn't already enough, there's also Evan's copy of "The Princess Bride" lying on the desk as well. He'd forgotten it the night before at her bedside and she'd wanted to give it back to him… but then it had made its way back to her quarters, together with the sketchbook of DOOM.

For two weeks she has come into her quarters, stared at the two offending objects for a second or two and then gone on ignoring them. Or at least trying to ignore them. They've been giving her headaches, just by sitting around there on the edge of her consciousness.

With an exasperated sigh, she flings the strips she uses to protect her hands into a corner and stalks over to her desk. Cautiously, like it's one of her explosives, she takes the sketchbook up and starts to leaf through it from the beginning.

It's amazing, she thinks, how much she recognizes of Evan in his sketches. There are parts of Atlantis, a jumper, some of his team members, a picture of Elizabeth Weir, a few strange animals, even two or three Wraiths among them… most of them with a few strong strokes, as if done in a few minutes of spare time, but still exact. Nope, Evan Lorne doesn't ever do things halfway.

And then come the pages where she starts to take up more and more space. At first it's maybe one quick sketch in three pages, but in the end there's only the occasional odd animal or building thrown in for good measure, or at least that's what it looks like. She leafs back a few pages and discovers that he's put more effort into her sketches than into the other portraits, the further she goes in the sketchbook. It's almost as if she could see his feelings grow with the time they have spent together on Atlantis.

With a thud she closes the sketchbook again. Suddenly, the sketches have become too intimate for her to bear. It almost felt like being in his head for a moment, and that only serves to feed her guilty feelings. This really has to stop. All of this.

It's not only Evan and his feelings that worry her, but also Carson. For weeks they had danced around each other, always with the faint promise of something more serious in the backs of their minds, but there just never _happened_ anything. Should have tipped her off right away, but they do have a lot of issues to steer clear of… their first break-up, the explosion, the clone-thing… it just seemed to be enough baggage to take it very slow.

Turned out, though, that _she_'d had a specific piece of baggage that only Carson had the courage to admit to see. She really has to talk to him, assure him that it's not his fault and that she still wants and needs his friendship. She also has to talk to Evan, because this really can't go on into all eternity.

Mostly, because she is scheduled as security detail on a mission with Carson for tomorrow. And, well, with Evan as team leader. She really doesn't want to experience another mission like the one a few days ago. So, maybe… while Carson is doing his vaccinating and checking-up stuff, she'll have enough time to apologize to Evan and prepare the ground for some lengthy talk – as much as she hates lengthy talks. Hopefully Carson will be too occupied to develop any jealous…

Ah, hell.

She knows what she has to do: Once and for all make it clear to both of them that neither of them will become anything more than a friend to her. Choosing one over the other would always end up in tears one way or the other. Carson… she likes Carson, but she thinks she has finally closed the file labeled with "Carson Beckett, boyfriend". Maybe all that had been lacking had been a real closure, something without accusations and awkwardness. And Evan… it all comes down to the fact that he's her CO. It's cliché, she knows, and it feels like having written "Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter" all over it, but that's just how it is: You don't date your CO, period. Besides… zoomie and jarhead? Never would have worked anyway. At least, that's what she tells herself over and over again.

And so she decides to give him back the books after tomorrow's mission and in the process clear up all this stupid tension between them. She just has to get through this mission with him _and_ Carson. Should be a cake walk.


	2. One

**One**

Here they go again. A medical visit to one of the planets they have allies on. Check-up on the villagers, vaccinations, general chit-chat, checking their blood for the neurotoxin one of the crazy sci-fi-nerds in the infirmary has dubbed "Reavers' Finest" and which turned out to contain a very high concentration of a component of Wraith enzyme… Piece of cake, and probably mighty boring for her and the others on the security detail, namely Evan and – surprisingly – Sergeant Meyers.

But boring is good, she tells herself. At least boring keeps all of them from getting injured or killed. And she'd take being bored about getting injured and killed any day. So… just doing some last check-up on everything and they're good to go. "Alright, everyone set?" She turns around. Evan's already done, eager to go.

"Yes, sir.", she acknowledges, trying to catch his eye. But all he does is stare at the wall opposite him and nod. She shoots a look at Carson who pretends to be checking his own sidearm of all things, and she can't hold back from rolling her eyes. This is ridiculous. One of them won't speak to her because he tries to soldier on and suck it up and the other won't because out of some "I told you so and you wouldn't listen."-complex. With slight resignation mixed with a little irritation on her face she turns to Meyers who just gives her a shrug and a look that says "Don't ask me, I'm just the NCO-guy."

Whee, that looks like this whole thing is going to be lots of fun, she thinks with a considerable amount of sarcasm. But as it is, she has no other possibility than to shrug it off and go on with business as usual. Suppressing a sigh, she holsters the Beretta, takes up the P90 and follows Evan and Carson out of the locker room.

No one of them speaks, which bodes well for the mission to come. Well… not. To distract herself from the uncomfortable silence, she runs the mission specs through her mind for one last time. The inhabitants of M8X-986 are scheduled for one of the regular medical visits Atlantis provides for all their allied planets not developed enough for supporting their own health system. Evan has the responsibility for the whole team with her as his 2IC, Carson is the accompanying doctor, and obviously someone added Meyers as his assistant, as the Sergeant is carrying some of the medical equipment.

M8X-986, as she recalls it, is a planet with thick woods and rather mountainous with an extensive cave-system. This time of year, their target zone will be covered in snow, which is why everyone of them wears slightly bulky winter BDUs. She's actually looking forward to it, because quite frankly she's a little tired of all the green woods and bleak deserts.

The 'Gate itself is located in a small valley, with the inhabitants living in caves a walk of about two or three miles away. They are friendly, welcoming, if a little bit shy, like most of the people they are dealing with. Carson shouldn't have any problems with checking them up and give them his shots.

Their orders are to get there and stay overnight, on the kind invitation of the villagers, and if there wasn't this stupid triangle tension she'd be actually looking forward to it. Their hosts are good cooks, and she's been living off steak, jello and sandwiches for too long. It would also be a break from dangerous retrieval or scout ops or boring excursions to some ruins, but… well, she'll have to make the best of it. And there's something to a happily burning camp fire in a cave that may loosen up a certain stubborn officer's tenacity or a certain doctor's determined silence.

Anyway, it's gating time again, so they all step up in front of the 'Gate. She's standing right between Evan and Carson, and the irony of this does not escape her, though she chooses not to dwell on it anymore. She's got a job to do, and she's sick of her personal feelings interfering with this. With new grim determination she grips her P90 just a little tighter, lifts her chin just a little higher and puts just a little more resolve into her pace when she finally makes the step through the 'Gate.

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**A/N: **First of all: Welcome back to all my readers. I'm delighted to see that so many of you chose to stay with me and read this story as well.

Second: I know this chapter is a little short and I'd thought about waiting until I have finished the following one and then posting them both, but..._ certain people_ kept nudging me to post it, so here it is ;) I also know that I spoiled you all a little with rather short up-date intervals and want to warn you that with this story it could take a little longer between chapters. I know where I want to go, but I may need some time to figure out how to get there. Just give me some time ;)


	3. Two

**Two**

And here they go again. Another planet, another extraterrestrial forest, another medieval society. Shaking off the post gating dizziness, she takes a look around. It's a little cloudy and freezing cold, but overall a really nice winter day. The snow is lying thick on the trees around them, suddenly reminding her of the fact that back home spring is only a month or two away. For just a moment she feels a very strong bout of homesickness surge through her, but thankfully their welcoming party appears out of the woods and takes her mind off everything distracting.

Mostly, because it's just one villager. She recalls reading mission reports about this planet, all stating that they were greeted by a group of at least five people, with some welcome gifts, nice warm words, the whole nine yards… and what do they get? A lone, haunted looking fellow who walks as though he was treating on very thin ice. The first thought surfacing in her mind actually is a very pronounced "Not _again_."

She shoots Evan a short look, and this time he finally looks back. His expression isn't easy to read – it seems as if he's closed his face off nearly completely these days, even… _especially_ to her – but she thinks she can detect the same sentiment she just had in him. She also registers the slight raising of the P90 and the tightening of his jaw. With Evan, she thinks, it's always the small things that you should have an eye on. So she readies herself. Something is afoot here.

Finally, the villager has arrived at their position. He looks just like the mission reports have described the inhabitants of M8X-986. McKay would have said "Oh no, it's one of these guys straight out of "Prince of Thieves" again." But it's not the clothes bothering her, it's the strange haunted look in his eyes he tries to conceal so frantically.

"My name is Kilaren. I'm here to welcome you, travelers." Well, alright, that sounds about normal, doesn't it? Maybe she's just imagining things, had a little too much of easy-mission-gone-wrong recently.

"Thank you, Kilaren. We are… most honored. I'm Major Lorne and these are Lieutenant Cadman and Sergeant Meyers. And of course Dr. Beckett, whom you already know." Evan even sketches a little bow.

The next one to speak up is Carson. "Pleased to meet you again, Kilaren. Is something wrong that you are coming out here alone?" Kilaren, a sturdy man wrapped up in furs, looks like being about to blurt out something at Carson's kind request, but obviously something is keeping him back the last moment.

So he just settles with a forced smile and a voice that, even though muffled, says pretty plainly that he's lying through his teeth, "No, everything is alright. We are, in fact, all very healthy and busy. So busy that we… kindly ask you to come back another time, please." Yep, something's messed up here. Why the hell would he tell them _now_ not to come to the caves, if he could have done this at least three days earlier? And, as she recalls it, societies like his use the winter to rest and take things a little lighter. Harvesting is their high season, not winter.

Obviously, Evan had the same thing on his mind. After sharing a look with Carson – both of them looking not convinced – he gives Kilaren an apologetic shrug and says, "We don't want to disturb you, but… we have our orders. Dr. Beckett here really needs to do some check ups, doesn't he?"

Carson thankfully gets his clue fast enough and eagerly nods. "Oh, aye. There have been bad things happening on other planets, and we need to make sure that it's not happening here as well. We really won't be bothering you long. It's all for your own benefit, believe me." Kilaren doesn't look very convinced.

"We know, we know. We are very grateful for everything Atlantis does for us, but… we would really like you to come back in a few weeks." He's trying to tell them something… tell them to keep off this planet. And that means that whatever is happening here, it isn't good. Which, in turn, means that they have _every_ cause to _stay_.

She really wants to tell Evan to abort this mission and radio Atlantis for backup, but she also knows that it's his call and that the worst thing she could do would be interfering with this now. So she takes a deep steadying breath and concentrates on their surroundings. The atmosphere seems strangely charged and Kilaren's almost frantic pleads to leave the planet haven't done anything to dispel the rising bad feeling in her guts.

Kilaren waits for their answer, and she waits as well. Her ears pricked for any unusual sounds, she still keeps her eyes on Evan, and for the first time he really looks at her. Not just a short glance, but a real look, as if he registered only now that she's a part of this mission as well. He wants to look away again, but she manages to hold his gaze just for a moment longer. Yeah, that's right, she thinks, I'm here, and I want you to _know_ it.

When she finally allows him to break eye contact, he gives her a little nod, hopefully as a sign that he has finally agreed to stop ignoring her. He takes a deep breath, has obviously come to some conclusion. "Alright… tell you what: we'll just dial up and I'll ask Atlantis for further orders. Would that be okay?"

_Yes_, she wants to shout. Yes, yes, yes. She's not a coward, but the memories of their pre-last mission together are still fresh in her mind – in fact, she's woken up more than one night after a particularly nasty nightmare stemming from this mission. So, yes, just for once she wants to avoid walking into a trap.

Kilaren, though, shakes his head, now having shed all pretense about the population being "too busy and not needing any assistance". "No I would advice you to go back immediately. You can send us your leaders' answer from the other side of the Ring." She can see that Evan gets a little impatient now. The long breath he takes is supposed to keep him calm.

Again, it's the little things that make her aware of the fact that he's probably felt the change of atmosphere – from awkward to charged up to latently threatening – as well. Like how he wouldn't clip his P90 to his vest or how he keeps moving his eyes, trying to take in all his surroundings at once… and assuring himself that there is, at all times, one of them near enough Carson to keep him out of the line of fire, should something happen.

"Meyers, dial up the Atlantis." Meyers, who's closest to the 'Gate of them walks over to the DHD, but before he reaches it, the underlying thread that has been in the air for the past few moments suddenly erupts into full blown danger as Wraith stunner shots are starting to ring through the air. Immediately, she moves to push Carson down and cover him, while Evan and Meyers fire into the woods from where the shots are coming.

Evan shouts at Meyers to get the DHD up and working, but Meyers is the first going down after being hit in the back by a stun bolt. In a corner of her mind that's not occupied with moving Carson to safety behind the DHD while trying to avoid getting hit by the stun bolts, she curses unabashedly. While she'd been thinking they were doing something to keep away from walking into a trap again, they'd already had their feet deep in it. Well, would have been asked too much for this going smoothly, anyway.

She's almost there now… almost at the DHD. After a shocked second Carson realized what he was supposed to do, and he'd worked with her to get to the DHD. Almost there… "Laura!" Ah, she thinks a little sourly, only took Evan being hammered by stun bolts to switch from "Lieutenant Cadman." to "Laura" again. "Dial Atlantis. Don't look back, just…" And with that, Evan is down as well. Now it's just her and Carson, and she knows she should be dialing and dragging both of them back to Atlantis, but she's been too long in Atlantis. Sheppard's absolute "Leave no man behind." attitude is already too ingrained into her as well.

"Laura! You heard the Major!" Carson's shouting shakes her from furiously working up a plan to avoid leaving Evan and Meyers behind. She _knows_ she needs to… and there's Carson down. _No_ way she's going… She never gets to finish that thought because in the end, the stun bolts strike her as well, leaving her to a terrifying moment of helplessness and one last explicit thought of "_Crap_."

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**A/N: **Whee, back again! Thank you for all your reviews and for not minding the last chapter's shortness ;)

As for the chapter: We-ell... seems it's just not their month ;) And now Carson has joined the Club Of Unlucky Members Of Major Lorne's Teams as well. Poor Carson.


	4. Three

**Three**

With a start she jerks awake. Freezing water runs down her face and kind of makes it impossible to hold on to a thought at the first moment. Then she hears Carson's slightly agitated voice and finally remembers what exactly happened. "Let me check on them. They might have serious…"

"There is no need to check your people." Oh, this is a new voice. It's slightly raspy, deep, with a cruel edge to it. It makes her shiver in a totally different way from the coldness at the 'Gate. Slowly, she opens her eyes. Drops from the gush of water that obviously woke her up keep obscuring her vision and instinctively she wants to wipe them away. This is the moment she realizes her hands are bound behind her back. She can just suppress an annoyed groan. Of _course_ they would be bound. She's also been stripped off her vest, which makes her feel strangely vulnerable.

"Ah, there's another one awake." Oh great, somehow she managed to draw the attention of their captor/jail master/whatever to herself. The man – a guy in his thirties, with non-describe rag-tag clothing on and a scar at the edge of his mouth that turns it into a constant sneer – crouches down in front of her. "Such a pretty little girl. I never understood why they keep sending out all these girl soldiers from Atlantis."

He's even closer to her now. Close enough that he can touch her hair and she can see a glitter in his eyes that has nothing to do with the fire in the background and everything with a deranged mind. Great. Why is it always her that ends up on missions containing lunatics, weirdoes and psychopaths? He keeps touching her hair, plays with a strand that must have fallen lose during the short skirmish at the 'Gate. It makes her want to recoil in disgust, but at the same time her pride in being a Marine and her spirited temper don't allow her to show any fear.

So she just straightens her back a little more and lifts up her chin. "Maybe because we little girl soldiers are worth two big men soldiers." She's lying, of course. Even two of her couldn't replace Evan or Colonel Sheppard or any of the other male USAF, USMC and other nations' SFs. But this guy really doesn't need to know this.

"Ah, a little loudmouth." He's now brought his face beside hers to whisper in her ear. "I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun together." Before she can react with an appropriate remark – something alongside "Why don't you just throw yourself into that fire? I'm sure there's _someone_ around here who would find _that_ amusing." – someone else already reacts.

"Keep away from her." Both of them turn their heads. Carson is giving the guy the look he usually reserves for people threatening to keep him from doing his work. It's scary enough to shut Sheppard up, keep Woolsey out of the infirmary and reduce Rodney to humble muttering. The only thing stronger than that is Keller _and_ Carson looking like that at someone.

The guy – don't all evil guys usually like to go bragging around their damn names? – though doesn't seem too fazed by it. In fact, he doesn't even back away from her. "And who are you to tell me what to do, little man?" Uh-oh. She can see the agitation building up in Carson. Dammit. He's been held hostage by Michael for over two years, with Michael relentlessly killing people right before his eyes to convince him to help him with his research. This must feel like a flashback for him.

"Let. Her. Go." The whole thing already is taking a strain on him. He can barely contain his anger and his worry for her, and that makes him brave. And stupid. Why couldn't he let _her_ handle the situation? Now the guy will have it worked out in no time that she means something to at least one of their party and will use it against them. Just. Fucking. Great.

And yes, Mr. Evil doesn't seem to be a particularly stupid villain. "You seem to be awfully agitated. Am I making you nervous? Does _this_ make you nervous?" And with that he trails two of his fingers down her exposed neck. They are very cold, making her want to shrug them off and run as far away as possible. But it's still a matter of pride, and she doesn't want to show _any_ weakness, to neither of them. So she just keeps sitting there, with her feet tugged at the side and her back ramrod straight.

Before Carson, who seems to be barely able to reign in his anger now, can say anything, she hears another voice chime in, rather low, but with a dangerous edge to it. "The Doc said to leave her alone. If I were you, I'd listen to him." Seems like Evan finally decided to make himself noticed. And of course he just _has_ to join the Rescue-Helpless-Princess-Laura-Cadman bandwagon.

"Why should I?" Mr. Evil obviously seems to have identified Evan as the bigger thread, because he does let go of her now and walks over to Evan to crouch down in front of him. She makes a mental note that in all his insanity he obviously underestimates Carson, and maybe herself as well.

"She's of no interest to you." Ah, and she shouldn't have underestimated Evan either. As opposed to Carson, his tone doesn't betray any affection for her. It's matter-of-fact, if not even a bit condescending.

Still doesn't help them much, obviously, because Mr. Evil sounds honestly interested now. "What makes you say so?"

Evan manages to shrug, what with his hand bound behind his back and everything. "She's just a subordinate. She doesn't know anything. If you want intel… try me." Argh, _no_. Up to now she was confident he was doing well at playing down her part and her place in his heart, but this… argh. Guys like this Mr. Evil… they take you by your word.

"Maybe I'm not interested in any information." Oh yes, you are, you evil bastard. She can hear it in his voice, could see it in the way his interest was piqued when Evan spoke up. At least she _hopes_ that it's intel the guy is after.

"You keep your hands off her and the others. Anything you want, you get it from _me_. But you leave all of them alone." Oh God, no, he's doing the great act of sacrifice, probably because he thinks it's his fault they are in this mess. Or maybe because he thinks he can take the most beatings of them all. But, so help her God, she's a fucking Marine, and she made it to Atlantis. They didn't send her there for nothing.

"So? From you, huh? How? Maybe… like this?" And with that the first blow lands in Evan's face. Mr. Evil has backhanded him and something on his hand – some kind of ring, she recognizes – has cut open his left cheek and left a bloody trail all over it. Great.

He didn't even have the decency to tell them who he is and he already has drawn blood. Time for a diversion, before he goes on marring Evan's face further. "Hey, least you could do is tell us at whose mercy we are."

Mr. Evil whips around again, letting go of Evan who's shaking his head and not looking particularly happy that she intervened. Well yes, Mr. Air Force, this little girl Marine refuses to let anyone get hurt on her watch. "Ah, my little loudmouth again. She's a feisty one." He looks back at Evan, with something like… appreciation in his face. As if praising another man's… cattle. Blergh.

"Yeah, most of all she'd like to know your _name_." She knows she is treating a _very_ fine line here. But she also knows she has to keep him occupied to give the boys an opportunity to think something up. It's become apparent to her very fast that she can actually use his special interest in her to distract him. So she can very well make herself the decoy and the one wheedling any information out of him.

It might prove a tad taxing, though, because he seems to have some strange fetish with whispering things into her ear. "My name, little one," – how she _hates_ it when someone calls her that – "is of no importance to you." Ah, hey, surprise, surprise. "You might be familiar with the name Aiden Ford, though." Oh. Okay. _That_ is a surprise.

She swallows, trying to decide what to tell him. Then: "Nope. Never heard of him." Her breath hitches in her throat when she feels him tugging a lose strand behind her ear.

"Oh, I believe you have. Well… let's just say I used to know him. Even could be called his friend. Back, when his "friends" from Atlantis had already abandoned and betrayed him." Oh, _great_. One of Ford's merry little band of wanna-be super heroes. Shouldn't they have all gone to happy hunting grounds years back?

"What do you want from _us_ then?" He grins, extending the eternal sneer in his face.

"All in due time, my dear. Now... how about I let you take care of the mess this one over there just brought upon himself?" She catches a look from Carson who positively looks like he's going to tell Mr. Evil to let _him_ have a look at everyone again, but she just has this feeling that he won't get a positive answer, maybe even receive the answer Evan has received. Meyers is still out, and someone really should take care of the guys.

She shrugs, trying to seem unimpressed. "Sure, knock yourself out." The moment he gets to loosen her bound hands, her body gets taut, like a rope ready to snap, but when she catches Evan's eyes, he ever so slightly shakes his head, making it clear that she should refrain from _any_ action. So she forces herself to relax and appear completely unthreatening. Probably Evan is right, and they need a little more time to assess the whole situation before they can act. Still doesn't change the fact that this guy just creeps her out and makes her want to run very fast from this cave.

Finally he's freed her from her bounds. Obviously he estimates her to be the team's weakest member. She would _love_ to contradict him, but as Evan told her, this just isn't the right time and place for it, yet. With a last sneer, their captor finally leaves through one of the thick wooden doors to plan only God knows what evil.

With a rush of relief she finally flexes her hands, rolls her shoulders and resolutely redoes the pony-tail. Every little thing is actually meant to shake off the strange icky feeling their captor's touches have left behind. When she's done she feels strong enough that she doesn't have to fake resolve for the guys.

"Alright… let's see if I can cut you all lose." She even cracks her fingers and wants to start working on Carson's bindings, but Evan interrupts her.

"Negative. I want him to believe that we are very, very stupid. If he's really one of Ford's guys… he's absolutely unpredictable." Carson nods.

"Aye. We don't know if he's still taking the enzyme, how much the probably long lasting abuse has affected his brain…" She rolls her eyes. How stupid do they think she is, huh?

"Hey, _all_ I was saying is unbinding you _now_ to give you all a chance to stretch up, give Carson the chance to patch you up, have a look at Meyers… I'll get you all wrapped up again in no time." Evan shakes his head.

"Still negative. Laura, we have no idea when he's going to be back. You really need to keep him thinking you're the harmless one whose big mouth is just a cover for her fear." If he knew how close he just came with that assumption… another thing she sure is never gonna tell him, even if they make it back to being friends.

"Alright. Fine. But I sucked at first aid training. You're not gonna have much fun with me dressing that gash across your cheek." A short humorless ghost of a laugh escapes Evan's mouth.

"I really think I can live with that." She sighs and looks back at Carson. Somehow it's embarrassing to have to admit that first aid was never her strong suit to the one who might very well be the best doctor in two galaxies. And well, used to be her boyfriend, once upon a time.

"You'll do just fine, Laura." She gives him a smirk.

"Right." She turns to Evan, not willing to let Carson see possible hints at her not being comfortable with her current role _at all_. "Now… let's see if we can wake up Sergeant Sleeping Beauty and then get these ugly red smears out of your face."

With that, she walks over to Meyers and after some shaking he actually wakes up. She's really relieved to see him unharmed, except for the slight dizziness one always experiences after being hit with a stun bolt. After checking his pupils and filling him in on what happened – his grumbled "Not _again_ the merry men." expresses very accurately what they all are thinking – she moves on to raid what Mr. Evil has left of Carson's medical supplies. Of course he hasn't left a single sharp or pointy object in there, but at least a few bandages, band aids and other stuff to wrap wounds is still inside.

Armed with everything she thinks she might need, she approaches Evan and crouches down beside him. Gingerly, she grabs his chin and positions his profile so that she can use all the fire's sparse light. She's pretty sure she's not the gentlest of nurses, so she chooses to quietly talk to him to distract him. "You are an idiot."

Argh. Way to go, Lieutenant. Why don't you demote yourself while you're at? This is surely _not_ the right way to talk to your CO whose heart is probably still a little sore from you trampling on it. "Oh right, and _you_ are the right person to tell me that exactly _why_?" He doesn't sound very amused. But, come to think of it, not seriously offended either. Mh.

She starts dapping at the gash with some wet cloth, and involuntarily he flinches. "Hold still." He sighs a little impatiently. Yes, well, it was _his_ idea to let her do this. "_I_ wasn't the one getting hit. Why couldn't you just keep your trap shut?" And why can't _she_ keep her trap shut? But obviously all the worry about him being hit more than just this is eager to let itself known, and the only thing she can do is transfigure it into snarkyness.

"Because I needed to distract him from you." Oh, of course, right. As if she didn't already knew _that_.

"Bullshit. I can stand my ground pretty well, thank you very much." She needs to be careful, that her righteous anger isn't transferring itself into her attempts at cleaning his wound.

And the fact that he suddenly turns his face toward her doesn't help her either. "Believe me, Laura… you can _not_ stand your ground against someone like _this_." They way he looks at her tells her that he really means this. And that he thinks he needs to protect her from this. But she _hates_ it when guys try to go down that road with her, so this time she lets her anger show through.

"Hey, if this is about what happened on the balcony…" He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. She's sure that if his hands were free, he'd probably throw them up.

"It's _not_. It's about you wanting to solve this single-handedly, which you just _can't_." His voice has climbed a few steps up the volume, showing that this is already getting to him. She wants to say something, something about stupid male soldiers always patronizing female soldiers and trying to tell them what they can do and what they can't, but he seems to have anticipated this because he continues talking without giving her the chance to barge in, this time a lot less agitated and a lot more like a friend than a CO. "And you don't _have_ to. This is what a team is there for."

He's right. Of course he's right. When did she stop being a team player? Oh right, when – maybe for the first time ever – her gender was becoming an issue on a mission. But that's not his fault and she shouldn't treat him as if it was. "Alright then." Still doesn't mean she'll let the guys do all the dirty work. "Just promise me you will let me fulfill my part when it's due." He nods looking strangely defeated. And then she realizes that this might be the last possibility for them to talk quietly before the shit hits the fan, so she decides to seize her chance here and now. "And something else."

"Some… okay… what else?", he replies a little wary, with his eyebrow raised.

She takes a deep breath. "When this is over, we _will_ talk about what happened on the balcony."

He takes his time with answering, up until she's nearly done with cleaning and dressing the gash in his cheek. "Fine. Although I don't see anything that needs to be talked about."

She has to grin a little at his muttering, and before she can hold herself back, she murmurs: "Oh, you'd be awfully surprised."

He wants to answer something, but obviously thinks better of it and chooses to ignore it. "Well, people… as long as this guy is out of the room, we need to find a solution to all of this. Any suggestions?"

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, finally done with this one. And I give you... a first taste of Lorne-whump :D Do I hear cheers? Do I? Mh?

Apaprt from this, a dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Vianne from the LOTR-forum I occasionally drop by for letting people decide how to get on with my life ;) See, Vianne, it's a _cave_! Surrounded by lots of other _caves_! I hope I made someone happy here :D


	5. Four

**Four**

"So… long story short: We have no idea where we are, we have no weapons, we have no idea how long we've been in here and our host is some psycho enzyme junkie. Is that about right?" Evan throws a look around, and everyone nods. If his hands wouldn't have been bound back, he'd be rubbing his face in frustration, she's sure of that.

"Well, sounds like a piece of cake, doesn't it?" Everyone turns their head to look at Meyers, who hasn't said much up to now. "What?", he says a little unnerved by their disbelieving gazes. "If Sheppard and his team can get out of stuff like this, we sure can do it as well." Against her will, she has to grin about his cocky optimism.

"If I remember it correctly, Sergeant, usually it's _us_ who need to rescue _them_ out of stuff like this." He's really trying to stay serious, but she can hear his own – a little ill-placed, granted – amusement through the disapproval.

"Well, then…", a smug smile grazes Meyer's face, "they owe us at least one rescue mission."

"They certainly owe _me_ one. Why do I always let them talk me into off-world missions, anyway?" Now it's Carson everyone turns their heads to.

Evan cocks his head a little and can barely hide a grin. "Because deep down in your heart you do enjoy the thrill and excitement of going off-world, Doc."

"I'd rather watch my wee turtles the whole day than pass an hour off-world.", Carson replies in a rather comical morose tone.

"You actually were allowed to keep turtles, Doc? That's so not fair. I remember this one time, when we brought back this cute little furry thing from…", Meyers starts to tell them, but it dawns on her that they might not have much time before their captor is back again.

"Uh, guys, not to spoil your fun or anything… but we seriously gotta get out of here, you know." Oops. That should have been Evan's line. She should really stop forgetting who's the commanding officer around here.

Evan, though, only shows mild disapproval, as he says: "Thank you for pointing this out, Lieutenant. Now… what about getting your mind back on the original task, people?" Everyone clears their throats and shuffles around a bit, at least as far as it's possible with most of them with their hands not exactly free to move. "Right, that's what I thought. So now that I have your full attention… way I see it, we need to find out: Where are we? What does this guy want from us? How long until our next check-in with Atlantis? How to get weapons? How to get out of here? Agreed?" They all nod. "Good. Now, first off: I want everyone of you to lay low for a while. No heroics, no quips," And yes, there comes the pointed look in her direction, "no provocation. But maybe show a little fear. Let him think we're a bunch of inept cowards. We still need time to assess the situation and we need to make time until Atlantis discovers we're gone."

"But wouldn't Sheppard expect…", she starts to ask, but he shakes his head, cutting her short.

"I know you want to kick this guy's ass, Laura, and believe me, _I_ want to as well, but we're in no position to do so. For all we know he could still be on the enzyme, and he'd be no match then, even for all of us together."

"Besides, there must be a reason for him to have kept us alive until now.", Carson chimes in and gets a nod from Evan.

"Exactly. So… tasks for all of you: Laura, you keep this guy thinking you're weak. That way, at least one of us obviously gets the chance to be free to move around a little more. And yes, you should needle him for information a little more." Dammit, why does she keep forgetting how apt at reading her he always used to be? "Just try not to offend him." She makes a face. Yes, sometimes she _can_ reign her temper in, thank you very much. "Dr. Beckett, same goes for you. Play it like this: You're just a doctor, you don't hurt people, you're completely harmless."

"I _am_ completely harmless, son.", Carson barges in a little exasperated. It only prompts a smirk from Evan.

"Really? Makes me wonder how you manage to keep all of us longer than five minutes in the infirmary, then. Or out of it, come to think of it." Carson wants to say something – most probably protest Evan's implication of him being scary – but Evan is in CO-mode now, not willing to tolerate any more needless interruptions. "Anyway… we need you to be awake and alert all the time. I have the feeling that there may be more medical assistance needed. Meyers, same goes for you. Lay low, make him think you're a dumb grunt. Make yourself invisible. Observe him. Habits, speech patterns, ticks." Meyers nods. She knows he's had training as a sharp-shooter. He's used to this unobtrusive kind of work which requires lots of patience and the ability to practically become one with your surroundings, so that the target doesn't notice you. "Any questions so far?"

She takes a deep breath. He'll not be happy about this question, but she needs to know it anyway. "What about you?" He shortly closes his eyes, knowing he won't get around this question.

"I'll… take care of all of you." Read: I'll distract him from you, provoke him, make him forget he has three more people to torture. She wants to smack him a good one, tell him how stupid that is, yell at him… but all she does is sneak a look at Carson who obviously has understood it the same way that she has, but just gives her a minute shake of his head. To him, who's known her intimately, her face must be as open as a book – even more open than to Evan – and he's probably seen all the emotions she wants to conceal so carefully.

So she swallows down all the worry and the anger and simply answers: "Right." Then, out of impulse she adds in a voice low enough neither Carson nor Meyers should hear her: "Just… don't forget to take care of yourself as well." All she gets from him is a slight nod with closed eyes, small enough that she's probably the only one who sees it.

"Sir… I have another thing.", Meyers says, a little tentatively. It makes her suspect he's realized that there was some secret communication between his officers going on. She just hopes he either hasn't heard any of the gossip going round about Evan and her or has heard it but doesn't give shit about it. The last thing she needs now is a Sergeant who thinks his two commanding officers are holding out on him with something.

"Go ahead, Sergeant."

"I remember being briefed about the whole Ford-incident a while back. It was said he put the first dose of the enzyme into the food of Sheppard's team. Makes me wonder if this guy maybe hasn't kept us alive to use us for testing something." She's had this suspicion at the back of her mind as well. She just didn't want to voice them before getting anymore from their captor on this subject. But yes, maybe it's better to talk about this now.

"Good thinking, Sergeant. I agree." And then it hits her. _God_, yes, of course! The moment he'd told them he used to be one of Ford's bunch, she should have realized it.

As the impact of her realization hits her, she automatically mutters: "Oh, _crap_.", and all the guys' heads turn toward her.

"Laura? You want to share it with the class?" She rolls her eyes and hits Evan lightly on the shoulder for his stupid remark, which he just rewards with an indignant "Hey!" In a corner of her mind it astounds her how easy their friendship is coming back under pressure from a situation like this. Maybe, she thinks, they _do_ have a chance of salvaging it from the wreckage their respective actions have caused two weeks ago.

"I just had this… epiphany. Carson, didn't you tell me that the base of this Reaver-thingy-neurotoxin was a part of the Wraith enzyme?" She can actually see how the realization hits Carson as well. His shoulders move as though he was about to smack his forehead with his hand before he remembered that he still can't use his hands.

"Aye, of course. I should have seen that!"

"Hey, could you two please stop talking in riddles?" There it is again. The impatience that Evan can usually keep under wraps so easily but which is also the first sign of strain to show up.

"Sorry, Major. What Laura meant was that there is a great possibility that we just stumbled over the bloody bastard who is responsible for all these people going mad we discovered recently." Now she can see dawning all the possible implications on him as well. He closes his eyes again and leans back his head at the cave's wall.

So far, it's really not been his year, she thinks. First the broken leg when he'd been trapped with Rodney, then stumbling over these mad villagers with her, then her ripping out his heart… and not to mention all the little to not so little scrapes and scraps he's gotten himself into up to now, the deaths he keeps himself blaming for… Suddenly she knows that if push comes to shove, she will have to disobey his orders. There's _no way_ she's going to let this stupid wanna-be mad scientist who's holding them hostage harm _anyone_ on her team, and there's no way she's going to let Evan suffer for them, either.

"Oh, _great_. Okay… listen now people. I… trust you all to know what to do if either of us is going to be injected with this, right?" Yes, she thinks, but she doesn't want to say so aloud. If either of them – and they all know that Evan and Meyers are the hottest candidates – is going to be irreversibly contaminated with this stuff, the others will have to take them down… even kill them. And if she's honest: She'd would want to be dead rather than one of these… _creatures_ as well. "Laura? Right?"

She jerks a little. Aw, crap, she actually lost her focus for a moment. Not a good sign. She clears her throat and then looks at him, giving him a rather quiet "Yes, sir."

He wants to tell her something, but in that moment, the door opens again, and Mr. Evil is back. Her pride doesn't want to allow her, but she's actually grateful that she came to sit between Carson and Evan. She knows it's probably just an illusion, but for the moment it feels like their presence shields her from their captor's unwanted attentions.

And yes, seeing the three of them sitting side by side at the wall draws some sick amusement from him. "One could almost think that this tough little girl soldier is all talk and no guts." She's got _plenty_ of guts, and she'd love to tell him so. However, his interest has shifted anyway, as he crouches down in front of Carson.

"Dr. Beckett, isn't it?" That nearly makes her gasp. He knew all along about at least of them. Carson, though, tries to feign ignorance and tells him that he has no idea what he's talking about, but that just prompts another sneer from Mr. Evil. "Don't try to fool me, Doctor, I know very well who you are. Your fame certainly precedes you. I was hoping, though, you might be accompanied by Sheppard and his team. But as I see it… this is even better. The little girl soldier over there… she's much more my type." Oooh, great, _someone_ who hasn't fallen for Teyla, but rather for her. Won't Teyla be crushed by these news?

Carson raises his chin a little. She can see that he's trying to be brave, and that always astonishes her. He's one of these people who always try to appear like cowards – or at least very wary of anything involving danger – but who posses, in fact, a big amount of inner strength. "What do you want from us, anyway?"

"That's the big question, isn't it?" She nearly has to roll her eyes. "Well… I don't want to spoil all of your surprise, _but_ over the last few years I did a lot of research on the enzyme… which in turn ended in something you might have come across these last few weeks. Granted, the results are… not satisfying up to now. And well, that's where you Atlanteans come in." Uh-oh, she can already see where this is going. The bad feeling in her guts just turned into downright nausea. "I trust you to understand where I'm heading?" Oh yes. He wants Carson to help him with his research, he has Evan and Meyers as his two lab rats and her as a personal bonus. She seriously hopes _someone_ on Atlantis will realize very fast that things are _not_ going well over here.

"I will not help you." Oh Carson… that isn't what Evan told you to do, she thinks and wants to jump up and shake him. Instead she tries to discreetly nudge him to tell him to stop this.

"Of course. I knew you would say that. And I also think that you are a very good man, Doctor. Someone… who doesn't want others to suffer for him." Aw, no. Why, why, why does it always go like this?

"Well, then you're mistaken. Someone else tried this game before. I'm a wee bit tired of it." Oh. Look at this. She wonders where this is all going.

"Oh, we'll see about that. For now… I still have free choice! So… with whom to start? With the good doctor… with the pretty one… or with the tough soldier? Ah… I think… I will start with one of the testing subjects. Come on, soldier, you've got work to do." And with that he grabs Evan by his shoulder and hauls up. Way too easily, she thinks. So it's very possible that this guy _is_ on the enzyme. Not that she hadn't already guessed it, but it would have made things _a lot_ easier if he wasn't. But if wishes were horses…

Mr. Evil drags Evan to the door, but shortly before walking through, Evan turns around again and looks over his shoulder. Is she imagining it or did he just mouth "I'll be okay."? If he did… she seriously doubts this. But one can always hope, right?

At least… she would, if it wasn't for this terrible guilty feeling settling down in her stomach and overshadowing everything else. She was following an order – _his_ order – but something inside her screams at her for just sitting still and doing _nothing_. This, she swears to herself, is the last time she _ever_ lets someone else take hits so that she can be okay.

* * *

**A/N: **Whoa, finally done with this. It really dragged while writing, and I seriously hope it didn't drag while reading it as well. I'm always afraid of cliché plots and plot holes the size of small planets, and this chapter proved to be really taxing in that regard. Hope I didn't do too bad (no, not fishing for compliments here, but seriously worried).

Anyway, thanks for all your reviews! You know I love all of them, and I love it that they're still so steadily coming ;) And to the anonymous: Yay for converting you :D Another one down :checks off something on a clipboard: Wait... no... of course I _don't_ have a list. I... I'll just shut up now :P


	6. Five

**Five**

Make it stop, she thinks. Please, God, if you are really there… make it stop.

At first… there'd been silence, every sound blocked by the massive wooden door closing behind Evan. The three of them had thrown wary glances at each other, not sure what would come next. Then she'd given herself a shove and had Meyers asked about the "fluffy little thing" they'd brought back from God knows where, just to keep them all distracted from this terrible silence.

About ten minutes later, she'd wished the silence back. Furiously. Because that had been when the screams had started. She'd tried to get the conversation going, hold the team together, not let them be bothered by this, but in the end it had been too much. Neither of them could pretend much longer that nothing was happening. "I'll be okay.", her ass. If she ever hears "I'll be okay." from him again, she'll personally shove it down his throat.

And now the screams are still echoing through the door. They're not as loud and as frequent as before, and she hopes that this is just a sign that Mr. Evil is losing interest in Evan. However… this hasn't been the mission where hoping has gotten them much up to now. Then… the screams stop… and if the silence before was terrible, this one is downright unbearable.

She sits very, very still, which is taking up all her energy. But she knows that if she wouldn't concentrate on this, she'd be up on her feet, trying to pry this door open with her bare hands, teeth, anything to get this guy away from Evan. The intensity of this scares her. Of course she would suffer as well if it were Carson or Meyers behind this door, of course she'd feel guilty for just letting Mr. Evil take them away, of course she'd be afraid of whatever will follow this… but she would not feel this insane need to be at their side _now_.

God, she thinks, you're pathetic, Cadman. What happened to being professional about your CO? What happened to not wanting anything more than friendship from Carson _and_ Evan? This is exactly why there are non-frat regulations and right now, your picture would be placed as a bad example beside the explanation in any encyclopedia.

When the silence endures with nothing happening, she can't help closing her eyes and tightening her hands around the hem of her uniform jacket. It's this moment that Carson chooses to address her in a very low voice. "Laura…"

She knows what he's going to say, and quite frankly she really doesn't want to hear it. "Don't."

"Laura, I know it's hard…" Yep, that about was what she'd been afraid of.

"No." He looks a little like a kicked puppy now. Yes, he just wants to help. She appreciates that. But he should have been around soldiers long enough to know that you don't try to offer them some counseling in the middle of a mission. So as hard as this is for her, she has to hurt the puppy a little more. "Listen, Carson: With Major Lorne now most probably down, I'm the officer in command here. _I_ am responsible for the safe return of all of us. And I have a Sergeant over there whom I need to respect me if I want him to _obey_ me. Show me _one_ Marine NCO who will respect an officer who's showing a weakness in a place like this, let alone a _female_ officer. I sacrificed a _lot_ to come as far as Atlantis. This is just not the place to sacrifice my respectability, as well."

At first he says nothing, then he just nods defeated and replies: "I was just trying to be a friend, you know."

She's really making mistake after mistake today. She's been too hard on him. She let the strain and the anxiety over Evan's fate get the better of her. Trying to calm herself down, she takes a deep breath and looks at Carson. "I know. And I'm… sorry." He nods, but she can still see that her outburst didn't leave him untouched. "Look, it's just… " It dawns on her that it might not be a good idea to tell him how much this is affecting her when she just told him that this is the last thing she should be doing. "We'll talk about this, okay? When we're back, I'll talk the mess hall crew into fixing you some… what did you call it? Oh right, hattit kit. Well, I'll talk them into fixing it and we'll talk?" She's babbling, she knows that much, but obviously something in her rambling amused him because a little half-smile appears on his face.

"You'll never learn how to pronounce it correctly, will you, love?" She wants to answer something, but in that moment the door is opened again and a disturbingly happily grinning Mr. Evil tosses a barely conscious Evan into the room. The minute he hits the floor with a suppressed groan Carson is on his feet, even faster than her. It's quite an achievement actually, considering Carson's hands are still bound behind his back.

The doctor in Carson, and the medic in Meyers, for that matter, make them forget their bound hands and want to attend to the wounded. Mr. Evil, though, obviously has something else on his mind. He quickly steps between Carson and Evan. Big mistake, she thinks. As much as you shouldn't get between the Nazgul and its prey, you shouldn't get between a medic and his patient.

"Ah, not so unaffected now, are we, doctor?" She wants to wipe this smug sneer from his face so very, very much, and a short look towards Meyers tells her that he's just waiting for her signal to do so, but all she does is giving him a shake of her head. She's the only one with her hands free, and Evan is lying dangerously near to the fire. Starting a fight now would very probably get him caught in the cross-fire and she wants to avoid getting anyone of them hurt any further. It's only now that she starts to _really_ understand Evan's reasoning. Yeah, she scolds herself, great thinking, Lieutenant. Only took your CO getting beaten up to get this through your thick skull.

"I'm just wondering how you expect me to conduct my research with a damaged test subject." Whoa. Wait, where's this coming from? What the hell is he playing at? And the two years in Michael's claws have done… a lot to Carson. Well, it _must_ be these two years, because she refuses to think that this boldness may come from him not being the original Carson. At least it helps her that she can see he's not comfortable in his role and needs to put quite some effort into appearing absolutely cold. So he _is_ just acting and his change of mind has some meaning to it. It would have been better, though, if he'd told her _beforehand_.

"Oh. You just succeeded in surprising me. Well, then… let's just say that I _needed_ him in this condition. I need to work on the drug's healing factor, and he's in the perfect state for testing now. He will be even more so in a few hours time, I think." She fervently hopes that this means he hasn't been injected with anything yet.

"He'll be _dead_ in a few hours, if you don't let me work on him now." Ah… slowly she can see where this is going… Come on, she begs Mr. Evil in her mind, come on, take the bait.

"Ah, I'm sure, your pretty girl soldier over there can continue playing nurse for a little while longer." No, she can't. She can't even look at Evan's unmoving figure. How is she supposed to _take care of him_?

"I'm 'fraid not. These soldiers… the only thing they can do is shoot and bark out orders. They're good for nothing else." Is she just imagining it or is part of Carson's dismay real?

"Oh, I can think of something the little girl could be good for…", insert dirty look towards her here, "but that will have to later." That will have to wait for all eternity, you _bastard_, is all she can think of at this moment. "Very well. Let's make a deal… I let you make sure this one won't die within the next hours and you will help me with me research."

Her first impulse is to shout at Carson not to jump into this deal with the devil, but then of course she realizes that if Carson agrees, he will be finally unbound again _and_ he might have the chance to see more of this compound and be able to tell them if there might be an escape road. So _now_ she wants to shout at him to bloody take the deal and _use_ it.

"Alright. But I might need help. Unbind this man and allow him to help me." Carson jerks his chin towards Meyers, and she silently slaps him on the back. If… _when_ they make it through this, she really owes him a ton of Scottish food and some really good whiskey. And babysitting his turtles once or twice. Well… after shouting him to pieces for not telling her about this little charade earlier, that is.

"Ah, ah, how stupid do you think I am?" Carson raises his chin, and something in the change of his posture makes him look bigger than he really is.

"You want me to help you, you take off the bindings." It always amazes her how much of a lion he can become when someone is denying him giving someone medical assistance. It's one of the things that once upon a time made her fall in love with him, and even though these feelings have dissipated now, it still impresses her.

"Well… sometimes you have to compromise… how about I take this man's bindings off, but don't allow him out of this cozy little cave?" Instead of answering, Carson suddenly sneaks her a look. She realizes that her little speech did something to him, after all. It made him realize that _she_'s the one in charge now. He asks her for authorization to enter into this. Without another hesitation, she nods, hoping Carson knows what do to while in this guy's lab or whatever he calls his research facility.

With that, Mr. Evil – can't that stupid bastard of a bad guy just tell them his name? It's not as if they're in a position to sprout it all over the galaxy, anyway – walks over to Meyers, who looks as if he needs every ounce of strength not to jump the man and cuts him lose. His last words before disappearing again have a strange ring to them, as he says: "You've got twenty minutes, Doctor. Make the best of them."

Immediately, all of them scramble towards Evan. As they all crouch down around him, he finally coughs and mutters something sounding like: "Thanks for all the… attention, people, but I'm… fine." This is just too much for her. She doesn't know whether to slap him, kiss him or dissolve into hysterical laughter.

So in the end she opts for a simple growled: "The hell you are.", which is seconded by Carson who instantaneously motions her to kneel behind Evan to rest his head on her thighs, while Carson and Meyers carefully maneuver him on his back.

"Listen, all of you…" Without thinking she puts her hand on his mouth, knowing he won't shut up and simply let Carson and Meyers do their work, if she didn't. He wants to move his hand to remove the offending fingers from his mouth, but Meyers is fast enough to get a grip on it. Carson starts to work on him, fast, professional, accurate. He pushes up the shirt, and that motion alone makes Evan groan with pain. Maybe it's this which distracts her too much, but suddenly she feels his teeth in her hand and automatically pulls it away.

"I said… _listen_. _God_, Doc, would you mind go looking for some damn painkillers?" The _bastard_. He _deliberately_ bit her.

"And administer them with what, son?", Carson mutters, while he goes on carefully prodding the impossibly colored skin on Evan's chest. Each prod is immediately followed by groaning and suppressed cussing – she'd never have thought Evan to have _such_ a foul mouth… he even manages to slip in some Spanish and, from the sound of it, French cussing – and Carson's face growing graver and graver.

"Holy Mother of God, what the bloody hell did that bugger do to you?" And now Carson's accent starts to get thicker, which is _never_ a good sign. She really wants to keep up hope and everything, and of course appear totally in charge of all her emotions, but as if by itself, her left hand has gone from solely supporting Evan's head to stroke his forehead and his cheek to distract him and calm him down.

"You… don't want to know. Jesus _Christ_, Doc! There _have_ to be some oral painkillers in that damn bag of yours! And add some stims while you're at it." Carson sighs and then signals Meyers to get the medpac.

"I doubt any of this will seriously help you, but since you're begging for it…" Evan actually manages to glare at Carson, what with his black eye and the lacerations all over his face. Carson, quite unfazed, just gives Evan the painkillers and stims he's been asking for.

Swallowing them seems to be quite an effort, but she attributes that to the fact that he's still lying down. "I wasn't begging. You were torturing me. Anyway… I want you to listen now. And keep that hand away… from my mouth, Laura. I quite like it where it is now." Oh. She hasn't seen _that_ one coming. A little embarrassed she finds herself staring at aforementioned hand lying on his forehead. Painkillerstalkingpainkillerstalkingpainkillerstalking, is the only thought rotating in her head, conveniently forgetting that he probably hasn't even fully swallowed them yet.

But at least she's focused enough that she can wrench a grumbled "I can't imagine why." from herself. Something in that must have been amusing, because it actually makes him take the pain to form a smile.

He becomes serious very fast, though, trying to ignore Carson administering a provisional bandage around his ribcage. "There's… three more rooms behind that door. One… lab, two… testing room, three… probably storage. Storage… is to the right, directly… after the door. Good place for the… weapons and equipment. Door… can only be opened from the other side. And… lab looks pretty sophisticated. You got all that?" That's… nearly impossible. He actually managed to take in as much intel as he could, even though he knew he'd probably gotten beaten into submission.

But thank God at least she finally has found her voice again. "Yes, sir." He nods.

"Good. Because it's up to you now to find us a way out of here." Whee, great… except not. If he's so ready to put such a huge chunk of his responsibility into her hands, something must be seriously wrong. She doesn't want to, but she needs to know Carson's prognosis _now_.

"Once in a lifetime opportunity for me." She doesn't wait for Evan to comment on her apparent lack of optimism, but addresses Carson. "Alright… what do you think?" He passes her a look that says very clearly that he does _not_ want to discuss this in front of the patient.

"Don't even think about… dragging her off to a corner, Doc. I think, I can take it like a man." Again, one of these comments she wants to hit him for. Doesn't he get it? This is neither the place nor the time to make quips like these.

"Alright. I think, apart from the heavy bruising and the lacerations… you broke at least one rib, and it's possible that your lung has been punctured. I can't rule out other inner bleeding either. You still have your spleen, Major?" Evan just shakes his head. Well, that's interesting… she realizes that there are a fair number of things she still doesn't know about him and fervently hopes that she'll be able to ask him about this, when all of this is over. "Your luck. It sure would have been ruptured now." Carson sighs, and then looks at her and Meyers. "You need to monitor him while I'm away. If he starts coughing up blood… I might have to… well…" Ask Mr. Evil for some enzyme to keep him alive. But didn't they agree on not letting anyone of them become corrupted by it?

"Perform emergency surgery, right?", Meyers helpfully supplies, effectually avoiding the topic none of them wants to talk about.

"Aye." She looks down at Evan, and he finally looks her in the eye. Both of them know that they won't let it come to letting anyone near him with a syringe full of enzyme. For the first time in quite a while she's positive that she knows exactly what he's trying to tell her. It's definitely something along the lines of "I trust you not to let anyone inject me with that stuff." As a confirmation, she simply traces his cheek with her thump, making him close his eyes.

As painful as all of this is, she actually wants this moment to last. For the first time in two weeks she doesn't feel like a total loser at interpersonal relationships anymore, and she can even forgive herself a little for that stupid stunt on the balcony. Showing her that he still trusts her with this small gesture did more for her faith in their friendship than a thousand words could have done.

But of course fate doesn't want her to have any "moments" and decides to make this the minute Mr. Evil is back. "Now, isn't this a cute little scene? I'm tempted to pull out some cloth to wipe the tears from my eyes."

This guy is surely starting to grate on her nerves. If it wasn't for Evan's head on her thigh and the standing orders not to do anything… but it is, and so she forces herself to keep her trap shut and let Carson do the talking. "And while you're busy being sentimental, I would like to get this over with."

"Your eagerness surely speaks for you, Doctor. Well, then… it would be a shame to waste any more time, wouldn't it?" And with that Carson gets up, not without giving Meyers some last minute advice. If they make it through this, she thinks, she doesn't only owe Carson some big favors, but also Meyers. She already has the text for the recommendation she wants Evan to write nearly fully formulated in her head.

Then Carson is gone and she orders Meyers to retire and catch on some sleep. Something tells her that she'll need him awake later. He's a little reluctant, so she assures him that she'll wake him up immediately if she needs any assistance and then makes it quite clear that she wasn't suggesting him to go sleep, but _ordering_ him.

When he's wandered off into his corner, it's only Evan and her again. At first it looks like he's already passed out, but after a few labored breaths, he starts talking again. "Laura, if I don't make it back…"

She doesn't want to hear this. And anyway, this is Major Evan Lorne, kick-ass soldier who never gives up. So all she says is a rather gruff: "Shut the hell up."

As of now, she doesn't even care about the fact that this is still her CO. Doesn't keep him from continuing whatever he wanted to say, though. "No, listen, if I don't…"

Alright, she's had it now. "Hey, _you_ wouldn't let me tell you sorry for being a brat in that underground shelter, so I think it's only fair _I_ won't let you tell me some unnecessary last words now."

A strange sound escapes his throat. It takes her a moment to identify it as laughter. "God, Laura, stop doing that. And you… certainly have a point there…" He's becoming serious again, shortly closing his eyes and taking a deep rattling breath. Can't he just stop talking? "But I'm saying this as your CO now. If I don't make it through this… I want _you_ to be the one to deliver my dog tags to my family."

This… is among the last things she expected to hear now. It makes her uncomfortable and wanting to be a million light years away. "Evan, I…"

"Promise me, Laura." He really means it. He wants her to be the one walking up to his parents' house and tell them of the heroic death their son died for their planet… country. Theoretically, of course. Not that this is going to happen anyway. But she owes him an answer.

"Right. I promise. But just for the record: This is stupid, because all of us will make it back. No more discussions about this."

Again laughing, followed by some pained groaning. "Stop making me laugh, goddammit. And your ego sure is too big for that of a Lieutenant."

Finally. _That_'s the Evan she knows. A little snarky, a little snappy, even in sticky situations. That's something she can handle, something she knows how to play along with. "There's a regulation about the size of egos according to ranks?"

"I remember reading a memo about this, yes. Maybe… it's about time… you make Captain. To accommodate this inflated ego of yours, I mean." Oh, that was a good one. It helps her believe that things can't be _that_ bad, if he's still maintained his sense of humor.

"Well, that's not _my_ decision now, is it?" She manages to look a little mock-disgruntled. It prompts a smile from him.

"Good point. Laura?" Aw, come on, even _more_ last words?

"What?"

"I think… you'd really get on great with my sister." He even manages to grin. What the…? She decides better not to ask what he meant with _this_. Better just keep playing along with it.

"I'm sure we'll find another way of finding that out than me bringing her your dog tags. Evan?" Ha. Now it's her turn to confuse him a little.

"Mh?"

"Where the hell did you learn how to cuss in _French_?" Actually, that's something she _really_ wants to know.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out." Alright, so much for her confusing him. But before she can scold him, he closes his eyes again and adds a slurred: "And now… I think I'm finally going to pass out."

* * *

**A/N: **And in honor of yesterday's awf... great game and the German national team making finale for the first time after 12 years, I give you... this chapter ;) So how was that, for all you usually-not-whumpers? ;) Personally, I liked writing this chapter much more than the last, mainly because there were more emotions involved and because I could nudge Laura more into finally starting to listen to her heart.

BTW, half the chapter (the second half) I listened to Klaus Lage's "Faust auf Faust" practically non-stop. I'd never have associated that song with Stargate of all things, but I found it again on last.fm and suddenly it just clicked. So, for my German speaking reader(s?): Try looking that song up on youtube and then tell me you _don't _think it fits a certain Major in this story perfectly ;)


	7. Six

**Six**

She has finally lost her sense of time. She really has no idea if she's been sitting here for ten minutes or ten hours. The only thing she knows is that Evan is still alive, and as of now, that is everything that counts for her. Alright… so maybe not _everything_… but somehow being so near to him and _knowing_ him to be alive, even after everything, makes bearing all the other things – no word from Carson, her edginess towards Meyers and the overwhelming feeling of dread their captor inspires in her every time she has to be in the same room with him – a little easier.

Evan has been drifting in and out of consciousness, once or twice being lucid enough to banter a little with her. During one of his lucid spells he managed to lift up his left hand and gently grab her own left hand which had been lying on his shoulder just then. If she hadn't known better then she'd have said that he was actually drawing comfort from the simple fact that it was her hand he'd been reaching for.

She needs so very much to get out of this. Right now she feels herself sliding down a spiral she'd never wanted to descend. If someone had asked her a year ago how likely she'd have thought to develop such disturbing feelings for one of her COs she'd just have laughed in that person's face and had declared it impossible. Stories like that… only had happened to other people, once upon a time.

Of course everyone at the SGC and succinctly in Atlantis as well knows the story of Samantha Carter and Jack O'Neill, eternal not-quite-couple. But there have been other stories of not so famous people over the years. She's glad, for example, that Captain Reece is going to have her own team in a few days and thus being more or less free to do whatever she wants with her then former team leader. She also remembers stories about other military personnel of the SGC that used to sneak off to unused storage rooms or members of the Atlantis military detachment "exploring" the Ancients' city in pairs.

At times, she thinks a little disgruntled, while she absentmindedly lightly caresses Evan's cheek with her thump, the SGC and Atlantis feel like one big college dorm, because it's not only the soldiers, but also the technicians and the medics and the scientists… practically everyone. She used to roll her eyes at them – well, before she'd started to develop feelings for a certain then CMO, that is. Then she started to shrug at them.

But even a few weeks ago she'd have sworn _every_ oath that she'd _never_ be so dumb as to fall in love with a fellow soldier. It's cliché and corny and downright _stupid_. But sometimes… life seems to have a _very_ absurd sense of humor and it throws you right into a cliché, only to show you that clichés do come from a very real background. She makes a face at that thought. For all I care, life can very well go and kiss my ass, she thinks.

And anyway, she isn't in love. Not at all. She just… has some confusing feelings she needs to think about a little. Yes, sure, she gets a little flutter in her stomach every time he smiles at her. And of course she feels flattered when she thinks about his beautiful sketches of her – which seem to make her more beautiful than she actually is. But that doesn't mean she's _in love_. At the utmost, it means that she has a silly little crush, that will fade with the weeks and months to come. And the… deeper things? Well, he _is_ her best friend, even after everything.

So it's totally normal to suffer with him, right? It's totally normal never wanting to let him go again, wanting to protect him from this guy, isn't it? Yes, of course. Absolutely normal.

Aw, who is she kidding, anyway? Herself, mostly. She heaves a sigh. This is running in circles. She has enough of sitting around, she wants – needs – to _do_ something. "Hey… would you mind stopping this drumming-your-fingers-on-my-shoulder-thing?" A little startled, she jerks, which prompts a groan from below. "Thanks. _That_ really served to make me feel better." Oh, right. Evan. Still having his head on her thigh. Oops.

"Glad to be of service, sir." She smirks and he smirks back. Or at least tries to. It's really difficult to spot it with the flickering light from the fire and his split lip and everything.

"I thought so. You know, you've got nothing to be nervous about." God, not him as well. Why do they all think that she needs some encouragement or counseling? She's been trained for this – well, maybe not _exactly_ for this, but that's not the point right now – and she knows how to handle this situation.

"I'm _not_ nervous. I just… don't like sitting around. And quit giving me encouragement. _I_'m not the one with the broken rib." He takes a shaky breath. To keep himself from laughing, she realizes. What is it, she wonders, that makes him strong enough not to lose his sense of humor even in situations like this?

"For all we know, no one of us might have a broken rip. I for my part feel perfectly fine." Now she _does_ give him a little slap on the shoulder. If… when they make it out of here, she's so gonna kick his ass the next time they spar for all the quips and the bravado. Mainly because she knows that he's mostly doing this for her sake, and she hates it when someone tries to mollycoddle her.

"_Don't_ you dare admonishing me for that. You deserved it. Now… I think I have to remove your pillow, because you know… I lost feeling in my feet a while ago."

"Alright. Just… be a little careful, right. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself in any way, huh?" She just rolls her eyes and takes off her jacket to replace it with her thigh that she indeed carefully extracts from under his head. She manages to get this whole thing over with in only a few painful minutes and the first thing she does when her legs are finally free to move is stretching them with a long sigh of relief.

And yes, immediately her feet start to tingle painfully. Alright, note to self: Don't play pillow for a wounded _ever_ again, is the first thing crossing her mind as she finally manages to stand up and _move_ her legs. "Hey, you know… while you're at it… could you have a look at the Doc's bag if there are any painkillers left?" Ah, someone is becoming desperate. She smirks to herself.

"And here I though you were doing "perfectly fine", mister.", she throws at him while rummaging through Carson's supplies… and yes, there they are.

"I… might have been a little exaggerating." Mh… now that she's got the stuff… she has no idea how much to give him and everything. About time she wakes up Meyers anyway. He'll be delighted to do something again. She gets up again and walks over to Meyers to nudge him awake.

"Yeah, you might have been. Hey, Sergeant Sleeping Beauty, how about you do your job?" Immediately Meyers is wide awake, as she notices with quite some envy. She's mastered a lot of military necessary skills, but falling asleep at every spot possible and impossible and going from deep sleep to wide awake in a few seconds is _not_ one of them.

"With pleasure, ma'am. If you tell me what to do, that is." Sometimes she really doesn't know if he's mocking her. Throughout this mission, Meyers has continued to amaze her. Under the usual disguise of a stoic tight-lipped Sergeant there's a guy full of cocky optimism and a healthy lack of respect for authorities. Not _disrespectful_, but… not in awe of his superiors. She likes that, she decides.

"Putting the Major out of his misery and administering some painkillers would be a good start." He gives her a half-grin, as if to say "He been getting on your nerves, Lieutenant?" and she just rolls her eyes in acknowledgement.

"Will do, ma'am. Anything else? Change in his condition?" She shakes her head. At least that hasn't happened yet. Meyers just nods and walks over to Evan, who thankfully doesn't make a lot of fuss about being checked through again. Now, if only Carson would be back again…

And with that the door opens again. Fate surely has a sense for drama, she thinks a little sourly. She didn't need to have "Speak of the devil" illustrated literally to her, thank you very much. Well, but at least Carson comes back through the door seemingly unharmed. His face looks haunted and kind of haggard, but overall, at least there's no blood anywhere on his body. She has to hold herself back from running up to him by force, because of course there's Mr. Evil coming in with him.

This time, though he doesn't even spare her a glance but goes straight for Evan which causes a surge of fear going through her body she has absolutely _not_ expected. "Look who's conscious. Your Dr. Beckett helped me a great deal, you know, and I'm such an impatient man… I really want to start testing as soon as impossible… as of… _now_." No. No, he's not going to take him with him a second time. Evan won't last through that, and she will never forgive herself if she lets this happen now.

Before she has even thought this through, her mouth has already opened. "Hey, why don't you pick on someone your size, huh?" Everyone whips around to her. Well, here she goes. No turning back now.

"And look who just won't shut up." Mr. Evil comes sauntering over her. She can't believe he took her bait so fast, and so she forces herself to stay wary. "Well… what is it you wanted to say, little girl?"

Again, he is invading her personal space by standing _very_ close to her. It takes all her force of will not to show him what she usually does with people who invade her personal space uninvited. "I think you're a coward. And I think you're all talk and no action." Her eyes dart behind the guy, and she can see Evan trying to get up. How she wishes now to be psychic and be able to tell Meyers and Carson to stop Evan from what he's trying to do.

"You do? What would it take me to show you I'm all about _action_?" She's nearly got him. He's giving her nearly all of his attention, and he's almost let his lower regions get the better of him.

"Actually showing instead of telling would be a good start." Now Evan is doubling his efforts to get up, and finally Meyers and Carson, whose brains are not as muddled by pain, drugs and exhaustion and who obviously got what she's playing at, are trying to subdue him, with Carson furiously shaking his head at Evan.

"Oh… I think I can arrange that. And come to think of it… a break would be in order, after exhausting my intellect. Maybe, little girl, there's more to you than I thought. I'm already excited to find that out." Good God, he took her bait all the way, hook, line and sinker. He's taking her with him and letting Evan in peace, giving Carson time to take care of his wounds and everything. Her only problem is… that she's mortally afraid of what will follow. But it's too late for regrets now.

Without waiting for her answer, he grabs her by arm and drags her toward the door. When she's passing by Evan, she catches his eyes. They're difficult to read now… fear and disappointment and hurt and shame are in them, and all she can do is mouth "I'm sorry." to him, before Mr. Evil finally drags her through the door. Only now it occurs to her how much she'd actually been afraid of that door.

When they're through, she notices that Evan was right. The first door to the right is closed while the first to the left is open and she can catch a glimpse of a room stuffed with all kinds of scientific equipment. Then there's the second door and she's pushed in. In a corner of her mind she realizes that this is the room where Mr. Evil knocked Evan around.

But her he just pushes to her knees on the ground and crouches in front of her, with a mad leering grin on his face. "And now… scream, little girl. Or I'll make you."

If there was ever a situation where she would be really grateful for the humiliation that Marine training can be, it's this one. Because if they managed to drill one thing into her it's this: No one can take her dignity and her pride from her. _No one_. So she still can hold her head high and sound totally unfazed when saying: "Yeah, I bet."

"No, I mean it. Scream. Because out there, they will hear you. And I want them to imagine what _makes_ you scream." Goodness gracious, that guy is worse than anything else she's ever encountered in all her time as a soldier serving in combat operations. He's mad, but not the stark raving kind of. More in an insanely cold way.

"So you _are_ all talk." His eyes light up and he pulls out a small pocket knife.

"You are about to discover that sometimes… talk is all that is needed." With that, he opens the knife and she starts to furiously curse at herself. She seriously needs to ask someone to sew her bloody freaking damn mouth shut for ever. Maybe then it will stop getting her into trouble again and again.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh people, that was so sad today... Wouldn't that have been great? Germany European Champion? ducks rotten tomatoes from Holland, England, Czech Republic, Sweden... Anyway, where was I?

Oh, right. Chapter.

Thanks for all your reviews, guys! I find it especially interesting when you focus on other things that I focused on or post questions I didn't even think about when writing the chapter. That really helps me to develop my stories, even if it goes into a different direction than you've pointed me into ;) Thank you a lot for that :)


	8. Seven

**Seven**

If he ever gets to see her again, he's going to rip her head off, that's for sure. How did she _dare_ and go against his very precise orders? He'd made it _very_ clear that _he_ would be the one to get the beatings. She was told _not_ to use being a woman and this guy having some sick attraction towards her for _anything_ else than distract him a little and wheedle some information out of him.

He knows deep down that she's probably saved his life, for the price of her own dignity, and that already weighs down heavily on him. If he's honest: He's not even mad or disappointed at her because she went against his orders – she did what she had to do to save her team leader, and she did it like a true soldier. No, he's more mad at himself that he's far too emotionally involved in all of this.

He'd thought that after this whole scene on the balcony he could – after one or two days of a heart a little sore – soldier on and take it like a man. It hadn't been the first time he'd been in such an awkward situation with a woman. In fact, there had been situations that had been _worse_ than this. But for some reason he hadn't managed to get rid of the whole lot of shame, disappointment and heartache that Laura's reaction has left him with. And having to see her nearly every day one way or the other hadn't been particularly helpful, either.

He still wishes he'd had the balls to simply walk up to her and talk this through, but there just had never been the right moment for that. He never found her alone, and abusing his status as her superior to know _exactly_ when she was supposed to be where was something he absolutely refused to do. And so they'd had to get themselves into something horrible and _she_ had to tell _him_ that they needed to talk.

Groaning he leans his head back against the wall – after Laura had been gone he'd managed to drag himself over to the wall, even against the Doc's and Meyers' protestations – and closes his eyes. He just shouldn't have let himself get carried away and given in to the urge to capture her on paper. But sometimes his hands know what to draw before his head does and before he knows it, he's almost half-finished. And lately… his hands have liked to trick him into drawing Laura.

"I told you it was a bad idea to move, Major." He opens his eyes again. Oh. The Doc interpreted his groan as some expression of pain. Good thing. If being turned down by Laura had been bad, having to face the Doc after all this messing up and pretend there wasn't any strain between the two of them had been downright strange and annoying.

"And I told you I'm fine, Doc." By now it's an automated response, serving multiple purposes, such as reassuring everyone their situation isn't as bad as everyone thinks, reassuring himself that the throbbing pain in his chest doesn't mean a broken rib or worse and mostly to keep them all off his back. He knows he's in no condition to refuse medical help, but what kind of team leader would he be if he'd let himself be reduced to simply being a liability? No, this is still his show, so _he_'s running it. Which brings him back to Laura and her sacrifice. And the terrible, terrible silence coming from behind that door.

"You also told Lieutenant Cadman that you're fine, sir. But I think she didn't quite agree with that." He blinks. Meyers didn't just smirk at him, right? Did he miss something?

"I think I'm a little better qualified than the Lieutenant to judge how I'm feeling, Sergeant." As strange as this conversation is turning out, he's starting to be thankful for it. At least it keeps his mind off the silence that's really starting to grate on his nerves. And it keeps him from simply jumping up and prying that damn door open, not withstanding the pain that has settled down in his body.

"As a matter of fact… I think you're not, Major. Laura's "The hell you are." was quite accurate." The Doc's voice is still clipped, and he seriously hopes that it's because he's not listening to him. He likes Carson, and he thinks there are only a few things more stupid than two guys fighting over a girl. And he just bets that Laura would _hate_ that.

"I second the Doc, sir." What the…? Has Meyers always been like this? Seems like he's obviously spent not enough time with the NCOs under his command. Otherwise he surely would have gotten wind of Meyers' sometimes rather nonchalant attitude towards authority, right?

"Alright, you know what? Could we just... stop talking about my physical condition here? We all know I'm maybe not in the best of shapes, so I really don't need you two to rub it in." Both of them can't hide a grin now. Oh. He's just pretty much admitted that they were right all along.

Somehow this starts to feel strangely similar to being trapped with Rodney Mckay under tons of debris. Like here, the pain of a rather serious injure and the utter helplessness it had been driving him to, had rapidly gotten the better of him. Granted, neither Carson nor Meyers – even with these newly surfaced sarcastic tendencies – are nowhere near as bad as McKay when it comes to company in close quarters, but they are still a very vivid reminder of how hard it has become for him to keep hold of the reigns on this mission. And Laura choosing to distract this guy from him… it had made him feel like he'd finally lost control over the situation, which he just _hates_.

"Oh, I found it a rather interesting topic. And while we're at it… I need to check on you again." He rolls his eyes… well, actually, only the one not sporting a bruise around itself. Of course the Doc would try to use this moment of weakness to pester him again.

"Aw, come on, Doc. That's really not…" But protest is futile, anyway. Carson has already crouched beside him and started to check his eyes.

"It is." Now his pulse. Then the Doc takes a deep breath. He wonders what he's going to say now. "Besides… that's exactly what Laura… volunteered for, son: Giving you a break." Of course. He should have seen that one coming. It was only a matter of time until one of them would bring it up. And how could they not, what with Laura painfully absent in their midst and the ongoing accusing silence?

So, why beat around the bush any longer? "You're… blaming _me_, aren't you?" For a moment, Carson's face is closed off, unreadable, and not only because he has the fire in his back.

It's all the confirmation he needs, regardless of the following: "No. I don't… approve of her decision, but it did buy us some time." He realizes that he's starting to become fed up with Carson trying to pretend they don't have issues. Under normal circumstances, he would have never deliberately provoked a confrontation, because he believes in peaceful co-existence and things evening out given enough time, but if this situation is something, it's certainly _not_ normal… not even for the 2IC of Atlantis.

"Doc… just quit it already. We both know we have a problem. So let's just be honest." He sneaks a look towards Meyers who pretends to be totally oblivious, but he has the strange feeling that he will need to have a chat about certain things with him, if they ever… when they manage to get out of here.

"Major, if this has to do something with last words and…" Good God, not the Doc as well.

"Geez, it's _not_. But I don't see any reason why we don't get this out in the open. It's not like it hasn't been apparent, anyway." Which is right, actually. At one point even Colonel Sheppard had asked him in an aside how he thought about he was going to solve this evident tension between the Doc and himself.

And _everything_ is better than his mind reverting back to playing out the horrors Laura could be facing behind that door. He knows that they'll return to him sooner or later in the form of another set of nightmares, but for the sake of completing the mission he has to push them as far away as possible from him. Even if all of this is tearing up his heart.

"Quite frankly, I don't see what there is still to discuss. She has, if I may say so, made her decision." _Finally_. He's been suspecting that Carson has realized how he feels about Laura long before Laura had – her reaction to his sketchbook had been… genuinely surprised, to put it mildly. But obviously the Doc has misinterpreted everything that had followed completely.

"Doc… the only decision she made is that she hasn't made one." Maybe that will put the Doc off his little jealousy-trip.

"That's not what it looked like to me." There's an edge to Carson's voice that he hasn't heard before. It doesn't sound like he could convince him to abandon this whole jealousy-thing. But he wishes the Doc would, because this whole thing is becoming increasingly weird. Granted, it had been _his_ idea to steer the conversation towards this, but somehow he'd wanted to believe that he'd done something else to deserve the Doc's wrath. And now, thanks to his stupid impatience, they are sitting here and talking about Laura as if she was just around the corner, getting a cup of coffee or something. Suddenly the need to have her back alive and unharmed nearly overwhelms him.

The Doc still deserves an answer, though. "Okay, look… Laura and I haven't even been on speaking terms the past two weeks. I have _no_ idea what you're talking about." He flashes a look towards Meyers and actually catches him rolling his eyes. He's _seriously_ missing out on something here. "And I saw that, Sergeant." Meyers, though, just gives him a "Who, me?"-expression that probably was one of the things that got him through boot camp.

Obviously Carson is loosing his patience as well, since he simply throws up his hands in irritation. "Right now, I seriously wonder how someone as daft as you can become a Major, son. You've been _conscious_ when I treated you for the first time. _Don't_ tell me you didn't notice who held your head!" Oh. Well… yeah, that had been Laura indeed. So… _that's_ been bugging the Doc. But… that wasn't… anything out of the ordinary, was it?

Ah, hell.

Who is he trying to kid? It has confused the living daylights out of him, what with the hand on the forehead and the fingers on his cheek. Not that he hadn't _liked_ it – in fact, it had had almost a better effect than all the painkillers the Doc had found for him – but he couldn't quite connect it with the fact that she'd clearly turned him down two weeks ago, so he had chosen to attribute all of it to stress and hardship. "Aw, come on, that was just…"

"Ah, bloody bugger! You two are hopeless! Why do _I_ have to be the one to knock it into yer heads what's going on between ye two? _Everyone_ can see it. Everyone apart from you. There's even already bets going around who'll cave in first and throw all regulations to the wind. I say: Just bloody do it! Or at least do _something_ about it. Do us all a favor and just… talk about it." That is… about the longest speech he's heard from Carson for a long time. And the timing really couldn't be any stranger. Here they are, in a cave, captives of some maniac enzyme junkie who has their only female team member in his dirty paws, doing things to her he doesn't even remotely want to think about… and Carson is giving him a rant about Laura's and his presumed cluelessness.

Right in this moment he wonders what he did in a past life to deserve such an insane combination – a team mate in a terrible situation, his heart torn because of far more than just comradely concern, two highly trained soldiers and one of the galaxy's best doctors absolutely unable to do _anything_ about the situation and on top of it all a ridiculous discussion about a topic that is so totally out of bounds for him that he shouldn't even have started it at all. This is it, he decides. This is where he puts an end to it.

But before he can even open his mouth, Meyers has decided to contribute his two cents as well. "Beg pardon, sir. You're probably going to bust me back to Private, but the Doc's got some truth in his speech."

Alright. So obviously he's outnumbered. Usually he'd just have shut the Sergeant up, but the continued strain on his body and mind has made him weary. So the only thing he says is a slightly annoyed and exhausted: "And how would _you_ know that, Sergeant?"

Meyers takes a moment, obviously trying to figure out how far from a serious blast he is away, and then says: "With all due respect, sir… Atlantis isn't as big as you might think. And the Lieutenant at least isn't exactly hard to read." True. So very true. Laura always wears her heart on her sleeve, but how it could have slipped him that she might not be so averse to his feelings after all still puzzles him.

And now everything might be turned upside down, because he has brought her in a situation where she has been forced to sacrifice her dignity… her sanity to protect him. Why is it that _she_ always ends up saving _him_ and he always is responsible for her getting hurt? There's _no_ way she'll ever want anything to do with him again. But… that's something else he needs to push away for now. So… back on topic. "If I were you, Sergeant… I'd strongly refrain from telling _that_ to the Lieutenant's face."

Meyers grins a little, aware of the fact that his CO has given up on trying to discipline him, at least for now. "Thank you for your advice, sir. Your concern is most touching."

He snorts a little. "Just wait until we're back in Atlantis, Sergeant." Now Carson wants to add something, but in this moment, the door opens again. Immediately all their heads whip around. Dr. Doom is the first to enter, with Laura right behind him. She's wearing her head high, and her eyes… have a certain hard gleam to them that hadn't been there before. He feels his heart sink at that sight. In this instant he already knows that he's probably never going to forgive himself for this.

Dr. Doom turns around to her, and the grin on his face makes him want to jump up and rip this man's throat with his bare hands. "Been a pleasure."

Laura, still with her head high and her eyes hard, just spats a "Fuck you." at him. She never ceases to amaze him. Two weeks ago her fighting skills and her fast thinking had impressed him, even though theoretically he knew her record and her marks. Today, the enormous amount of poise she still possesses after everything makes him feel humbled beside her.

Dr. Doom, though, only sneers "Another time, little girl." back at her, before turning to Carson. "You've got 20 minutes to patch her up, Beckett. Playtime's up now." With that he leaves the room, and the minute he has turned his back on them, Laura visibly falls apart, if only for a few moments. He owes her a big one, and he has no idea how to ever repay her for this one.

* * *

**A/N:** Whee, back again! And now that I'm officially on leave (_finally_) for a week, I can dedicate my time to this without guilty feelings for not concentrating on... mundane things such as work and voluntary commitment in politics :D And maybe I can revamp and continue a few other neglected stories, such as "Odd man out", my original character SG1 story...

Anyway: Thank you for all your lovely reviews :) So... 'nother change of point of view again. But I felt like I needed to focus a little on our Major. The chapter feels a little unbalanced and I think I could have put a little more emphazise on a few things, but I hope it's still making sense. BTW, I do have a translation for the song I mentioned earlier, but it's... erm... crappy (I suck at translating stuff, honestly). If anyone still wants to have it, just say so ;)


	9. Eight

**Eight**

Finally he's left. One minute more in that guy's vicinity and she'd have finally lost it. But she can't allow herself any weakness now. She'd been able to withstand every single one of his attempts to get her to scream, and she won't cave in now. He hasn't touched her… at least not with his hands, but he'd been right, when he'd said that sometimes talk was just enough.

For a moment all she wants to do is get herself a corner and shut off everything else. But what she does in the end is just clenching her fists and forcing the memory of the last hour or so back into the darkest recesses of her mind. All the insane whispering and the tip of the knife touching her skin and the battle of her will against her fear that this guy _would_ resort to really touching her every minute. All that she pushes back from herself. She can deal with that later.

What she has to deal with now is taking care of the cuts on her collar bones and upper arms and _fucking finding a way out of here_. So she walks straight up to Carson's med kit. She knows she should let him do it, but for now she wants to be as far away as possible from everything and everyone male. She just hopes the guys don't realize that for the moment she can't bear being near anyone of them, not even Carson or Evan. But the urge is so strong that it nearly overpowers the dull pain from the cuts. Without another word, she crouches down beside the med kit to get out the stuff she needs to patch them up.

Carson, though, reacts too fast and immediately is at her side to do the patching. The first moment he touches her, her reaction is purely out of reflex. "_Don't_ touch me." The silence that follows her verbal whiplash is shocked and all-engulfing. It even paralyzes _her_ for a moment.

"Laura, it's okay, I just want to…" She flinches. She doesn't want to, but after everything she just doesn't want a man to touch her, for the time being.

"I can patch myself up, thank you." He just wants to help, just wants to do his job, and in her head, she knows that. She still can't bear the thought of him touching her, not now.

"Laura, just let me…" _No._ Why doesn't he get it?

"I'm okay, Carson. You've got another patient to worry about." And it's true. Whatever Mr. Evil did to Evan, it's severely weakening him. If she would allow herself to worry, she would be mortally afraid that Evan won't make it out of here.

"Let it be my business whom I worry about, lass." He can _worry_ as much as he wants, he just shouldn't _touch_ her. She wants to tell him this, but someone else decides to make himself noticed.

"Laura, let the Doc patch you up." Evan, of all people. The one who should concentrate solely on saving his strength.

"I can very well…"

"Lieutenant, this is an _order_. Let the Doc – patch – you – up." Something in his voice tells her he isn't joking. It's low and labored, but still conveying enough of his natural authority to make her comply with it. Or maybe it's just the fact that she doesn't want him to get all worked up that she finally fights down the urge to shy away from Carson's hands as he starts dressing the deepest of the cuts. And what do they know about voices whispering in your ear hurting you more than any touching could ever do, anyway?

It takes all of her strength of will not to let it show through how deeply the whole thing has disturbed her. Mr. Evil really hadn't touched her. But he'd done his crouching and whispering again. At first she'd wanted to laugh about it because honestly… by then she'd nearly gotten used to this disgusting habit. But then he'd started to whisper in her ear, to tell her the things he would do to her and her comrades if she wouldn't give in and scream, to demoralize them and enrage them so they'd do something stupid.

Once he'd started, he'd simply talked nonstop, always only a hint of distance between her skin and his mouth, with his breathing stirring the little hairs at the back of her neck or near her ears. Then, when she hadn't given in – the only sign of her rising fear, disgust and anger her hitched breathing – he'd started driving the knife's point along her collar bones while continuing his whispering, the pressure just enough to leave razor-thin lines of blood. He'd let the knife slide beneath her shirt's hem, for some sick reason being very careful of not cutting the fabric, just her skin. Shortly before he'd finally stopped she'd almost caved in, almost started begging him to fucking _stop_ this, and the only reason she'd been able to stay silent the last few moments had been the burning wish not to give him the satisfaction of seeing her beg.

"I'm done, Laura." She blinks. Oh right. She needs to focus now. Focus on the task at hand.

"Thank you." Carson nods and brings some distance between them. She almost wants to thank him for that, as well. But then he surprises her. Suddenly… there's a scalpel in his hand. He… managed to steal a _scalpel_? From that maniac behind the door? Just like that? For a moment she's too perplexed to think clearly, but then the whole meaning of all of this crashes down on her and she snatches the thing out his hand and holds it up for the other two to see it.

"What the…? Does anyone of you about this?" Both Meyers and Evan shake their heads, but she can see that they immediately grabbed the significance of this. Their whole situation has changed. "Why the hell didn't you _tell_ them, Carson?"

She turns to him, with irritation at this in her voice, but he just shrugs and says: "Because I wasn't sure if we weren't taped. And because you were… not here. I just had the feeling that it might not be wise to reveal something in case he watches us and has you still in his fingers." She blinks again. Oh. This really isn't the Carson she used to know anymore. It's someone who's finally learned how to take care of himself in a galaxy as dangerous as this. Someone who has – despite his own protestations – learned how to think strategically… like a soldier.

She takes a deep breath. "That was… good thinking." And immediately her own mind gets into gear, grateful for the distraction. Before anyone else can say something, she's already formulated a rough outline of how to use this beautiful little glittering instrument. She turns to Carson again. "Alright, Carson, I need you to use this thing. You need to put this guy out of commission the minute you're through that door, and…"

"No." Just a single word, but delivered with so much conviction and determination it stops her dead in her tracks.

Not for long, though, because by now a nearly feverish sense of urgency has overtaken her. "You're the only one who gets in there without restraints and you _know_ how to inflict harm with it." She tries to sound sensible and calculating, but she can't really hold back the anticipation.

But Carson isn't fazed by it. "I still won't do it."

It's starting to aggravate her. Here it is, their chance to get out of this and he obviously doesn't see it. "_Carson_…"

He shakes his head, with grim determination. "I swore an oath, Laura. I will not violate it, ever again. I _can't_ violate it."

She understands him. Really, she does. And any other day she wouldn't hesitate and give in, but its not any other day, it's here and now, where he is needed for a very vital contribution to their escape. Her voice now has a very apparent impatient edge to it. "Look, we're in quite a sticky situation here and…"

By now she starts wishing Evan would intervene and tell the Doc that she's right, but it's actually Meyers who has decided to barge in. "I'll do it."

He has come over and crouched beside Carson. She raises an eyebrow. "Sergeant?"

He shrugs and says matter-of-factly: "I know how to use it. And I didn't swear an oath. Trust me, I can do this."

For a terrible moment, she has a flashback to another cave-like room, and another Marine Sergeant, looking her in the eye and giving her his dog tags, preparing to go on a suicide run to save his team. She swallows. "Look, Sergeant…"

Meyers seems to have seen something in her face that indicates what she'd just been thinking about. Or maybe he'd had the same thing on his mind, since he'd been there as well. "Hey, I'm not pulling a Jones, if that's what you think." She knows she should be appalled at the way he just denounced Jones' sacrifice, but somehow she also knows that this is just Meyers' way of keeping himself from agonizing about the whole thing, so she doesn't say anything and lets him continue. "I'll go in there… Doc, you tell him you need me as your testing subject…"

She remembers her comment about Carson being the only one of the guys allowed in their with his hands free, and she cuts Meyers short. "And you know how to take him out even with bound hands?"

With the absolute confidence of a well-trained unarmed-combat specialist, he just nods. "Yes, ma'am."

She trusts him that he knows what he's talking about. As nonchalant as his attitude towards her and Evan has been throughout this mission, she doesn't think he isn't absolutely top at what he does. "Alright. Carson, it's your job to convince him to take the Sergeant with you. Sergeant, you disable him and get us the weapons. I'll take care that the Major is protected throughout this. When we've got this cave secured, we fight our way out of here. Any questions?"

"What about me?" A little startled at Evan's quiet and a little sarcastic interference, she looks up. Oh, right. In a perfect world, she would have kept her mouth shut and let her CO do the plotting and it would have been _his_ plan they'd be speaking about. But if this was a perfect world they wouldn't even be in this predicament.

"_You_ will just concentrate on not getting hurt any further." And it's true. He might have been telling them that he is fine, but they all know he is everything but. She knows he's hating it, but he simply isn't able to do anything beside letting them drag him to Atlantis' sick bay.

"Last time I checked, I was still this team's CO." He's sounding a little irritated and disgruntled now, and it does look a little cute.

She really has to hide a grin when replying: "Yeah, and as such you should maybe accept, Mr. White Knight, that now and then there's no shame in letting yourself be rescued by the princess. Besides: You _did_ say it was up to _me_ now to find a way out of here."

Meyers with his back to Evan flashes her an amused grin and then turns around to Evan to add a perfectly straight-faced: "She's got you there, boss."

The only thing Evan answers is a perfectly good-natured: "Shut up, Sergeant."

The Sergeant coughs as if to clear his throat, no doubt to hide the grin that was prone to appear. "Yes, sir."

So… they still have ten minutes left. Time for getting in position. Carson gives Meyers the scalpel and they both stay where they are, but she decides to already take position near to Evan, right in place for the minute Meyers and Carson have gotten to the weapons. As she glances at Evan, they share a look, and for a moment it appears like he's going to apologize to her, but in the end it's something completely different from it that he says: "Why the hell did you do that? You had your _orders_, Laura."

Yeah, of course he'd go with that. The worst thing is: He's right. Despite her brazen and sometimes cocky attitude, she's not one to go against orders. But this time she had a very good reason for doing it. She tells him so: "He was gonna _kill_ you! What the hell was I to do? Stand by and watch it happen?"

Oops. She should have kept her voice down, because Meyers and Carson both turn their heads and give them _very_ strange looks. Or rather… give _Evan_ very strange looks. A bit like "We told you so." Huh? Evan, though, tries to play everything down. "He wouldn't have killed me. He can't afford killing one of us, because he needs us as his goddamn lab rats."

She… can't believe he just said that. Must be the painkillers or the pain or a combination of everything that messes around with his brain. Doesn't he see it? "Well, then, newsflash: If there's one thing, lab rats are, it's _expandable_. You kill one, you just reach into the box beside you for the next one." Wait. She can't believe _she_ just said _that_. And he obviously can't either. Goodness, his brain seems not to be the only one that's messed up. But she's seen what this man is capable off, has been forced to see farther into his head than she ever wanted to, and this is like he thinks. It's still no reason to talk to Evan like this. She closes her eyes and puts her forehead on her drawn up knees, ready to cry, now that the adrenalin of the planning has left her. She takes a deep breath. "God… I'm sorry. I'm just… I'm sorry." He opens his mouth, wanting to say something, but she beats him to it. "But I'm okay, Evan."

"Laura, if he did _anything_…" He reaches up to touch her shoulder, but obviously remembers the incident with Carson from before. She sees a flash of something that could be guilt in his eyes and realizes that he hadn't been berating her because she'd gone against orders… he'd been trying to hide how much it has affected him.

In this moment she decides she'll _never_ tell him what happened. Nothing about whispering, nothing about knifes. This is her own private hell, and she wants to protect him from it. So all she says is: "I _said_ I'm okay. Honestly, he didn't do anything. He just wanted to scare you off."

"Well, he sure did." Did she just hear him right? Evan Lorne admitting that something scared him? No… she must have misheard that, because he did mumble it.

But she still can't refrain from asking: "What did you say?"

"Nothing. Just… nothing." Of course. That was to be expected. And at least it tells her that the fundamental things are still like they are supposed. It gives her some odd sense of consolation. A consolation she is grateful for, and she feels like she owes him something of that as well.

"I'll be alright, Evan. May take some time, but I'll be alright." He doesn't seem quite convinced, and she realizes that he'll probably feel guilty enough about all of this that he has no other idea of handling it than staying away from her. But she had enough of that the last two weeks. And no matter how this thing with the deeper feelings turns out, she wants to have him back as her friend. She _needs_ to have him back as her friend. "And you know... apart from time… friends would be a great help, too."

She even manages to produce a small smile, and he manages to mirror it with a small smile of his own. And then comes something that takes her totally by surprise. It's just a simple, slightly ironic "As you wish.", but it gives her all kinds of strange feelings, immediately reminding her of the book he read to her and which is still sitting on her desk. She sneaks a look towards Meyers and Carson, but they both look totally clueless, and she can't express _how_ thankful she is for that.

To get rid of the sudden stupid lump in her throat, she coughs and then utters: "Right. Thank you." And with that, she reverts back into silence, for once in her life completely at a loss for words. Good thing they only have a couple of minutes left before their escape attempt. It really saves her from thinking too much about… _other_ stuff right now.

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, here we go again... finally some plot development ;) Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! I may have said that before, but this is something one can't say often enough: It's so nice seeing that people are reading this and actually like it well enough that they take their time and leave behind a review, however short it may be. Thank you :)

BTW, I think I've finally figured out how much more chapters there will be: As of now, I think it's going to be three more chapters, _maybe_ four. After that... we'll see ;)


	10. Nine

**Nine**

The few minutes she thought they'd have to prepare themselves are gone faster than she thought. While she'd still been pondering Evan's last sentence – although she'd firmly resolved she'd _not_ ponder it – Carson and Meyers had gone through some last-minute check-ups and advice. Meyers had told Carson that he was to open the storage and pick up the first weapon he got to destroy the door's lock, no matter what happened to Meyers himself, and she hadn't interfered, because he'd been right.

And then, suddenly, the door opens again, and Mr. Evil is back, throwing her a look that promises torture for her and pleasure for him the next time they are alone. Defiantly, she doesn't look away but rather openly stares back, telling him in no uncertain terms what _she_ wants for him. Beside her, she can feel Evan stirring, and gets an inkling how he must have felt when she'd gone with that guy. Another reason why she will never tell him what exactly happened. It's enough that one of them will have nightmares of that. But she needs to focus now. She breaks eye contact with Mr. Evil, and registers with quite some satisfaction that she managed to unsettle him, if only for a second.

"Very well. I see you have recovered from our first encounter. Now, Doctor… ready for another little endeavor into the realms of enzyme tinkering?" Carson gets up, again looking quite different from the usual friendly, benevolent doctor.

"If it can't be helped." Come on, Carson, Meyers. You need Meyers. "But I think it's time for a live test." Good boy.

And Mr. Evil takes the bait, even faster than after her own offer. He's probably been waiting for this opportunity for longer than they'd estimated and he's eager to fulfill his sick "scientific" aspirations. "Alright. Nice to see that you finally start to think my way." Good thing that she knows that Carson_ doesn't_. It would… kill her to see a man she once loved and now values as a friend to behave like this.

Mr. Evil, of course, starts to walk over to her and Evan, but before he's reached them, Carson speaks up again. "No, not him. I want someone fresh for what I have in mind." Mr. Evil turns around to him, with his interest piqued up. Good God, let him be too distracted by his sick desire to realize that Carson is protecting Evan, she begs.

"And what would that be, Doctor?" Yes, well, what? She really hopes he has thought that through, because she and everyone else in the room are simply lacking the expertise for that.

"I want to work on diminishing the failure rate after they are injected with the stuff the first time. I need a healthy test subject for that. You see my reasoning?" It's strange, she thinks. What she now gets to see is what Carson would be if he wasn't the dutiful, loyal and dedicated man he is. Suddenly she's very relieved that Meyers volunteered to use the scalpel and not Carson. She really doesn't want Carson to annihilate his oath, because it's one of the fundamental parts of his personality.

"Actually… yes. I knew it would be very beneficial to have someone like you helping me conduct my research." Oh come on, let's get this over with. Quit the insane rambling already.

"Good. Now, can we get started?" Carson's starting to get impatient as well. She can see that he uses it as a cover up for his increasing nervousness, and is relieved to see that Mr. Evil hauls up Meyers even without thinking of binding his hands again – must be really excited, then – and drags him to the door, with Carson following closely. The moment Mr. Evil is through the door, she moves in position to be out of the line of fire when Carson hopefully gets a chance to destroy the door's lock.

And then the commotion behind the door starts. She can hear Mr. Evil cry out – probably, because Meyers stabbed him where it really hurts – and then the sound of heavy hand-to-hand fighting. And _then_ something that's like the most beautiful thing she's probably ever heard: The sound of multiple P90 fire outside the door Mr. Evil brought them in.

But she's got no time to pay any more attention to it, since Carson obviously managed to get into the storage area and has used a Beretta on the door's lock. Immediately it swings open again and he tosses her a Beretta and a P90. She manages to catch them and puts the Beretta into Evan's hand. Without waiting for him to do anything, she jumps up, drags Carson away from the door and wants to storm inside, but Meyers flings himself against her and manages to push them both away from Mr. Evil who's raging with pain and insanity. Obviously Meyers has managed to half-blind him by driving the scalpel into his left eye. But there seems to be enough enzyme in his system to keep him from dying yet.

In his half-blind fury, he storms into the room, right towards Evan. She wants him to fucking shoot the guy, but he probably doesn't trust his aim and doesn't want any of them be hit by a ricochet. So she scrambles up and simply flings herself at Mr. Evil, but he just grabs her and throws her against the cave's wall. She's lucky enough that she doesn't hit her head, but the impact still paralyzes her for a few vital moments.

Trying to get herself to breath again, she watches in horror as Mr. Evil has obviously managed to recognize her through his pain-fogged brain and walks straight towards her, while Evan draws together all his remaining strength and pulls himself up against the cave's wall to interfere with Mr. Evil. Before she can get herself up again, he already has reached her and _finally_ raises the Beretta.

An insane grin appears on Mr. Evil's face, as if he knew something they don't. Something _terrible_, in fact. Out of some strange foretelling impulse, she jumps up and pushes Evan down, just in time to get them both out of the way of the entrance door exploding. _Finally_ the rescue team has found them.

When the smoke has cleared enough, she can see Colonel Sheppard and Ronon enter the cave. A short gaze at Mr. Evil shows her that he's totally out of commission, while Carson and Meyers seem to be a little shaken but otherwise healthy. Evan on the other hand… is unconscious. She feels a surge of anxiety go through her, but they don't have time for worrying now. When Sheppard spots her, he immediately addresses her. "SitRep, Lieutenant!"

She's in combat-mode, and she responds succinctly: "Room secured. Major Lorne unconscious, the rest of the team is ready to go." Then, the adrenalin has dissipated a little and she allows herself a smirk. "You really took your time, sir."

Sheppard replies with a smirk himself and: "It's good to see you, too, Cadman. Now… I'll take point, Treviso, Heinemann, you take the Major, Teyla, you guard Carson, then Meyers, Cadman and Ronon takes our six. _Move it_." Obviously he expects heavy resistance on the way to the 'Gate, or he wouldn't order them out immediately, without even letting Carson check on Evan again. So when the two SFs enter the room to pick up Evan, she grabs the Beretta he'd had in his hand and adds it to the P90.

Then everyone takes their positions, and move out, but shortly before it's her turn… she sees something from the corner of her eyes… a movement… Raising the Beretta, she turns around, the same moment Ronon does, and they both see Mr. Evil stirring again… even trying to get up. Before Ronon can shoot him – she has no idea how she has managed to be faster than him – she can call out: "No, wait!"

Ronon looks at her, only lack of understanding in his face, while Mr. Evil still struggles to get up again. She only has seconds now, but she has just realized that if anyone is going to kill him up, close and personal it will be _her_ and no one else. She's never been a particularly revengeful person, but this guy hasn't only tortured her, he's tried to strip her of her dignity, pride and has tried to destroy the very center of her being. And he's hurt someone she has come to care about far more than she's allowed to and has made another person she still cares deeply for do things he'd never wanted to do again. She _deserves_ to be the one to put the final bullet through his head. "Make up your damn mind, Lieutenant."

She looks at Ronon again, her face set with determination. "Don't worry, Ronon, I already have." With that, she turns to the insanely grinning Mr. Evil again, with the Beretta aimed at his head. She knows she should make it quick, but she has something to say to him, something to repay him for all this stuff he's whispered into her ears. Her voice is suddenly hoarse, but she gets through with it, anyway. "Look at me, little man. Look at me, because this girl soldier's face and the muzzle of her weapon are the last things you're ever gonna see." And with that she finally pulls the trigger, three times, just to make sure, and every time she pulls it, her bullets hit straight home.

Without another sound but the gleam of realization about _who_ put him out of his misery in his eyes, Mr. Evil breaks down, unmoving, dead. In a corner of her mind she knows she'll feel _awful_ when all the adrenaline and the wish for revenge are gone and she'll probably become scared of herself, but right now the only thing she feels is an immense satisfaction. "Happy now, Lieutenant?"

She blinks and looks at Ronon again. But despite his rather disapproving words she finds surprising understanding in his eyes, now. Maybe in this moment, she's more alike Ronon Dex than she ever was and ever will be. She doesn't know what to make of this, but it's not the time and place to ponder this, anyway. "No. But satisfied. Now, let's go." He only nods and together, they leave the room to catch up with the rest of the team and finally return to Atlantis.

* * *

**A/N: **Whoa, finally a rescue! Took me _ages_ to write this rather short chapter, and I'm sorry for that, most of all because I'll be going to Paris for a few days tonight, which will probably mean no new chapters (I've made my mind up... three chapters are still waiting to be written) for the next five days. But at least I didn't have to let you wait for the rescue that long ;) Hope the chapter is okay for all of you :)


	11. Ten

**Ten**

Back again. She still can't quite believe that they are back in clean, friendly Atlantis, light-years away from any psychopaths, caves and enzyme junkies. She also can't quite believe that no one bothered to usher her into a debriefing but her and the rest of her team were shushed to the infirmary without further delay. Sheppard hadn't even asked what had taken Ronon and her so long to catch up with the team, and she suspects that Carson must have given them a rough outline of what had happened to himself, Evan and her.

So now she's standing here in the infirmary, just done with her check-up, but somehow unable to pass by the OR screens. At first she'd been so woozy with adrenalin and beginning exhaustion that she hadn't even registered that it was _Evan_ lying on the table, but then the realization had set in and she'd felt herself glued to the screens.

That had been about twenty minutes ago, and she hasn't moved an inch. She doesn't even notice the strange looks all the people who remember the reversed situation – her on the table, Major Lorne in front of the screens – from two weeks ago are giving her. All she sees is that doctors are working on Evan and that they obviously have still a lot to take care of. She's torn between asking any of the nurses or doctors passing her by if they know anything about his condition and wanting to stay oblivious, because deep down she's afraid that her last action – pushing him to the ground to save him from the blast – has actually worsened his condition to the point where irreversible damage has been caused.

And so she just continues to stand there and look at his face – the black eye and all the other bruises even more prominent now against his pale skin – and fervently hope that the doctors are able to work their magic on him. She's so engrossed that at first she doesn't register someone else stepping beside her, and so she jerks a little when she realizes that Meyers is standing beside her now and says: "Don't worry, ma'am. The boss is a tough one."

She blinks, but doesn't take her eyes off the screens. Some silly voice inside of her doesn't want her to, because it's afraid that in the moment she stops her watch over him something terrible will happen. "I know, Sergeant. I just want to…" But she doesn't continue because it suddenly sounds very stupid to tell him about this little silly notion.

She doesn't have to, anyway. "Yes, ma'am, I'd, too, if I was in your place." Now she does take her eyes off the screens, if only to gaze incredulously at him.

"And where would that place be, Sergeant?" He gives her a shrug of his shoulders that looks a little weary, but it's followed by a sheepish half-grin.

"Actually, I think that's a question the Major is best qualified to answer." For some reason, that answer prompts a smile from her, despite being terribly tired, worried and just plain traumatized.

But she takes care to hide it as fast as she can, because in all honesty that answer was bordering on insolence. So she clears her throat and just says: "Very diplomatic, Sergeant."

Now he gives her a full smug grin. "Diplomatic is my middle name, ma'am."

Before she knows it, a little disgruntled "Yeah, I bet." has escaped her and beside her she can hear a suppressed snort.

He doesn't comment on it further, though, just says: "Anyway… Major's gonna be fine, ma'am." She can hear that he wants to add something, but obviously doesn't dare to, most probably because it's something along the lines of "He certainly wouldn't mind if you went to bed." So he obviously knows when to shut up, which certainly works in his favor.

"I know. Now… why don't you head for bed, Sergeant?" Mh. She's still his superior, and as such she shouldn't suggest stuff, she should order him to. So, as an afterthought she adds: "I expect you to appear for debriefing tomorrow morning at 0800." He nods and tips his head in a casual salute.

"'Course, ma'am." She nods.

"Dismissed." He turns to leave, but then something else comes to her mind. "Oh, and Sergeant?" He half turns around and raises an eyebrow, obviously not sure what to expect from her. "Thank you… for the encouraging words."

He flashes her a short smile. "Anytime, ma'am." For some odd reason, that gives her the feeling that it now goes without saying that he will keep quiet about what happened between Evan and her on this mission, no matter how casual his attitude towards authority can be. It makes her realize that if she ever is going to have her own team, she already knows who to request as their team medic.

She smiles in return, a little weary, but genuine. "'Night, Sergeant."

"'Night, ma'am." The half-grin that follows his words as he finally leaves the room, for the first time, weary, too, and it dawns on her that maybe this easy-going manner he'd been displaying had been meant to cover up the strain he'd been under.

When he's gone, she takes a deep breath and concentrates on Evan again, who's still lying on the table. What the hell takes them so long, she thinks and finally feels fatigue setting in, but it never occurs to her that the best thing she could do now would be going to bed and sleep off the strain. And maybe staying in the infirmary and focusing on Evan is her way of keeping the memories and the inevitable fall-out from everything at bay. She already starts to feel like crawling into a corner and simply falling apart, and that's something she is determined to avoid.

So she stands there and watches and tries very hard to just keep her thoughts on everything but caves and voices whispering and killing someone not out of necessity, but just plain good old revenge. And the helplessness she hates so much, not to forget. Which is why she doesn't register someone else coming to stand beside her until it's too late. "You broke his heart."

She blinks and turns to her right. Dr. Rodney McKay, of all people. For a moment, she actually has trouble to focus enough to realize who he meant, but then it hits her. Carson, of course. Carson is one of his best friends – if a person like McKay is actually able to form real friendships, that is – and has obviously already talked to him about their… differences and must have realized that they are simply past the point of forming anything more than friendship ever again. Which is one of the things she has tried not to think about, as well, because the worst thing about this is that McKay is actually right, and silently she agrees with him that she has caused Carson great hurt and has deserved the reproachful tone.

But she is past the point where she can show any patience with McKay – or with anyone else confronting her with her shortcomings in interpersonal relationships, for that matter – so the only thing she answers is a rather sarcastic: "Well, thank you, Captain Obvious. I really needed to hear _that_ from _you_."

He just gives her one his trademark smug smirks and replies in a rather self-important tone: "As far as I'm concerned, you can hear it another five thousand or so times. You broke his heart. And I hope you feel really, really guilty about it. If you don't, I can help you with that."

She knows that he's probably just trying to defend his friend and theoretically that is a very noble thing to do, but she's just fed up with about _everything_ right now, so she covers up the fact that she _does_ feel mighty guilty with a snapped: "Oh right, and this from the guy who walked into the botany lab to propose and walked out after breaking up. You sure are one to talk about breaking hearts." And it's true. Poor Katie Brown is still trying to make believe that she can be very grown-up and professional about this awful proposal-break-up thing McKay pulled a few months ago, but she just knows better. And she really doesn't need any help in getting on the guilt track by _Rodney McKay_.

"That was… different." Ah, yes, of course. Leave it to McKay to try and turn an argument away by displaying huge double standard issues. His tone suggest that he knows _exactly_ that she's right, but as usual doesn't want to admit it.

But he had a go at her, and now it's her turn to get back at him. Plus it's another way of keeping her thoughts away from the fact that Evan is still not out of the OR and the emotional aftereffects of the whole mission. "So? How?"

"It just… was. And anyway, _I_ didn't go around and do this fraternizing thing." Oh great. She really hopes that it wasn't Carson who gave McKay this stupid idea that there is _anything_ inappropriate between Evan and her. As guilty and awful as she feels about hurting Carson and having taken so long for admitting to herself that her heart has decided for someone else quite some time ago, she'd be not exactly amused about Carson giving McKay funny ideas, even if just by accident. So all she says is: "This is ridiculous."

"Oh, is it? Does that mean you really were stupid enough to actually fall in love with your CO?" What the…? Why the hell does he think he has the right to even remotely think that any of this is his business? Rodney McKay is about the _last_ person to who has _any_ right to judge her for something that is, even after everything, still a very private matter and that she never intended to be anything else. She's really had it now.

"Would you please just shut up, Rodney? Love just isn't something you can turn on and off at will. It's not physics with fixed laws or a computer program you can alter to your needs. I never _intended_ to hurt Carson, alright? All of this… it got me by surprise. I didn't do _anything_ of this on purpose. It just… happened, and I can't do anything against it." Argh. The moment it's out she realizes that the only thing she just did is confirming McKay's suspicions. She really should have gone to bed, even if she would have been afraid to fall asleep and of the things she might encounter in her dreams. _Anything_ would have been better than to admit to Rodney McKay of all people that she's gone and done a Carter-O'Neill.

"Ah… so you _are_ in love with the Major." McKay, of course takes advantage immediately and in her exhausted weak state of mind, the smug grin he now displays is almost sickening. How the hell could she let him corner her so easily?

Exasperated, she just shakes her head and says: "_This_ is _so_ not the point, Rodney." And it really isn't, because a minute ago they were talking about hurting Carson and she'd just wanted to point out that she'd never intended to, not talk about her feelings for Evan with McKay.

But, oblivious about personal matters as always, McKay just continues to needle her. "What's the point then?"

Before she can answer something far from nice, another voice chimes in and saves McKay from a tongue-lashing. "The point is that you should stop harassing her, Rodney." Carson. Looking very tired, just like Meyers and probably herself. She wonders how long he's been standing there and how much he's heard of her argument with Rodney. She really wishes that he heard nothing of it, but it would be just her luck if he heard _every single word_.

"Actually, I was harassing _no one_. I was just…"

"Yes, you were. You were giving me a hard time about things that just aren't your business, and you were making unjustified assumptions and accusations. And you know what? You win. I'll leave to think about what I did wrong. Satisfied?" She's really tried to be patient with Rodney, even tried to like him, because she once had had a glimpse behind the façade of the grumpy, aloof super-scientist he usually displays. But right now, his moralizing and smug behavior grates enough on her nerves that it's even overpowering the need to see for herself that Evan will be okay.

For a moment, no one says a word, and when Rodney wants to open his mouth to say something pretty sure aggravating, she just cuts him short with: "Right, that's what I thought.", and turns to leave the infirmary to head to somewhere she can be so very far away from all of this.

Behind her, she hears Carson telling Rodney in no uncertain terms what exactly he thinks about this intrusion and then Carson calling after her, but suddenly she feels the very strong need for a shower to scrub off all the grime and the memories of this mission and then for some fresh air. In fact, she feels as if the walls of Atlantis are closing in on her, choking her.

"Laura!" Carson again. As much as she likes him, she desperately wants him to leave her alone now. "Laura, just bloody wait!"

It takes all her remaining self-control to maintain an iron grip on her temper and not turn around and give Carson the same treatment she just gave McKay. Instead, she forces herself to slow down, take a deep breath and make the anger disappear from her face as she turns around to face him.

Relieved that she heard him, he comes up to her, somehow looking a little at a loss for words. Finally, he settles for: "Laura… I'm sorry for whatever Rodney said and I…"

She just shakes her head, though, not wanting for Carson to apologize for something that just isn't his fault. "Don't be. And… it's not as if he was completely wrong."

At first it looks like Carson is about to contradict her, just out of habit, but then he has obviously come to some decision and says: "No, I guess not." So that probably answers the question how much he heard of the conversation, and again she feels like she simply can't do anything right.

But she just hasn't the strength and patience left for anything more than: "Carson… for what it's worth… I'm sorry. For… everything. I never… _wanted_ anything of this to happen, and I never did anything of this on purpose. I promised we'll talk, and I will stick to that. Just not… right now." He half-raises his hand, as if to touch her, squeeze her shoulder, something like that, but then he lets his sink again. Now that the last of the adrenalin has dissipated, all their memories are starting to come back, and that also means that he remembers what happened the last time he tried to touch her without having her permission to do so before.

"I… agree. And you belong in bed, anyway, love." He tries to lighten the mood with a smile, but fails miserably. She just nods, and forbids herself to ask him to notify her when Evan is out of the OR. Under the given circumstances it feels downright cruel to her to let Carson of all people see how much she worries about Evan. And if there's one thing she doesn't want to be ever again, it's cruel. But his next sentence surprises her very much. "Laura… I'll tell them to let you know when Major Lorne is out of the woods. Just go to bed."

Not trusting herself to say anything more, she nods and mumbles a "Thank you." to him before finally turning to leave the wretched infirmary, desperately wanting to leave everything that troubles her behind by that, but knowing that the real trouble will only start when she'll be alone in her quarters.

So in the end, when she finds the message that Major Lorne has made it through surgery and is now lying in ICU right after a rather long and hot shower, she stares at it a full minute and then abruptly decides to go back to the infirmary and see for herself how bad it really is. Shortly before she leaves again, something comes to her mind and she walks back to her desk to take the two items that have been lying around there for far too long with her.

When she arrives at the infirmary – its lights and low nightshift background hum somehow comforting, now that she's been to her very quiet and dark quarters – she manages to slip past any doctors and nurses and finally reaches ICU. A little tentatively she walks into it and comes to sit on the bed next to Evan's after she put the sketchbook and his copy of the "Princess Bride" on the table beside him. He's the only one lying there, and the only sounds are the steady sound of his heart monitor and some of the other equipment he's hooked up to. She's glad to see that he's obviously able to breathe on his own, but otherwise he's… still looking pretty beaten up and just not like the tough, controlled, ever-ready guy she knows.

As she's sitting there, absentmindedly taking off her boots and drawing her knees up to her chest, she realizes that somehow she's been holding her breath, all the time being mortally afraid that he wouldn't make it. And now that he's lying right in front of her, still breathing, with a steady heartbeat, she feels such an enormous amount of relief that it's bordering on ridiculous. She even feels tears pricking at the corner of her eyes and furiously wipes them away. There's no need to cry, now that it's finally over.

But if she's honest with herself… it's anything but, and deep down she knows that. There's still the underlying filthy feeling she always got when Mr. Evil had been crossing her personal boundaries and the memories of how _satisfying_ it had been to put the bullets through his head… she'd been right, because she _is_ afraid of herself now, at the moment unable to come to terms with what she is capable of doing. There's also the fact that she finally admitted to herself that she doesn't see Evan only as her friend and CO anymore, and that this is everything but a little crush and her absolute cluelessness as what to do about this. There's the whole thing with Carson as well. There's…

There's tears pricking at her eyes again, and this time no amount of wiping can stop them from flowing down her face. She wants it to stop, but exhaustion finally catches up with her, and so she has to let herself cry for the first time after Carson's death. Sobbing quietly, she lies down on the bed, and with the tears flowing the tension starts to leave her mind, eventually leading to finally falling asleep.

* * *

**A/N:** So, yeah... back from Paris since yesterday (and wondering where all the small bruises suddenly come from... must have hit more stuff on the night train than I thought...), and already a new chapter. Part of that was written when I was dead tired from over twelve hours of train travel... hope it doesn't show ;)

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for their reviews and encouragement, but today there's a special thank you to **Asugar**, who took the time to read and review every single one of my Stargate stories in one go. That was the first time _ever_ I had more than 5 messages in one day from ffnet in my mailbox ;)


	12. Eleven

**Eleven**

The first thing he hears is a muffled sound, something he can't quite place, in his state still between being fully awake and barely conscious. He feels being dragged back to sleep, but before that happens, the sound floats over to him again, nudging him a little further to consciousness. Then another sound follows and he finally manages to open his eyes. And immediately closes them again. The light of the room has been dimmed down, but in his still weakened state it was still a bit too bright.

Very slowly, he opens his eyes again, this time prepared for the light. For a moment he has severe difficulties to recognize his surroundings, but then his sleep- and drug-muddled brain makes the right connections and he realizes that he is lying in Atlantis' ICU. So Laura's plan obviously had been successful… Laura! Immediately the memory of what happened before he blacked out is coming back in scraps. He's not exactly sure which are real and which aren't, but he's quite certain that Dr. Doom had somehow threatened Laura before something had knocked himself off his feet.

Before he can launch into a full-scale panic-attack, though, there's another sound from his left. The rustling of sheets… and something that could have been a very low whimper. He turns his head, surprised and a little annoyed at the effort he has to put into this little movement. He's rewarded with the sight a very healthy sleeping Laura on the bed next to his.

The relief at that makes him close his eyes again for a moment. It's even strong enough that it never occurs to him to wonder what exactly she's doing here instead of her quarters. When he opens his eyes again, his gaze falls on the nightstand beside his bed and two very familiar books on it. Somehow the sight of them – gone from his quarters for two weeks, while he'd told himself practically _every_ day that he'd ask Laura _tomorrow_ for them, thus always reminding him of her even in their absence – prompts a little smile from him.

But the smile vanishes when he hears the whimper from Laura again. At first look she'd appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but now he realizes that in fact she's living through some nightmare. He immediately curses his injuries that are confining him to this damn bed and making it impossible to just walk over to her and wake her up.

His gaze falls on his sketchbook again… and he gets an idea. Maybe he can't walk over to her, but shouldn't he be fit enough to at least reach his nightstand, pull out a piece of paper, crumple it and fling it at her?

Well… in theory, yes. But just as he starts to struggle up, she gives a little startled gasp and jerks up a little. For a second or two she looks like she has no idea where she is, but then realization seems to have set in and she fully sits up, rubbing her face and trying to smooth down her hair. It doesn't help much, though, and he involuntarily has to grin at the mess her hair is. When she looks at him, she realizes that he's not unconscious anymore and gives him a brave and tired little smile and simple equally tired "Hey."

He wants to answer her with something like "Hey yourself.", but his throat is so dry that he just manages a cough. Immediately she jumps off the bed and reaches for the glass of water on the nightstand beside him. Without any comment she helps him drink a few swallows, but for some stupid reason he feels actually embarrassed to be that helpless in front of Laura of all people. And deep down he wishes her hand might linger a little longer behind his head. For a moment he's even on the verge of telling her so, but he's got enough of a grip on himself to stop himself through the slight haze in his head.

She sits down in the chair beside his bed, and there's silence again, and only a moment before it becomes uncomfortable, she quietly says: "So you made it to hero after all."

At least he's clear enough to realize that she's alluding to his remark about always being in Sheppard's shadow and bugs on your throat when she'd arrived in Atlantis. He tries taking a deep breath, and is happy to discover that either they have totally filled him up with some really strong stuff or managed to repair whatever had been wrong well enough that there's just a dull short stab instead of a constant unnerving throbbing. "I… could have done without it, thank you very much."

She smirks, but he isn't quite sure if she doesn't do that just to cheer him up and pretend she's perfectly alright. "Well, then you shouldn't have sacrificed yourself for us." Or maybe his drugged mind just plays tricks on him.

So he decides to play along for the time being. "Said the woman who landed herself in the OR because she just _had_ to push her CO out of the line of fire?"

"Err… good point." For a moment, she looks away, as if remembering something she doesn't want to think about, but then she's got her game face on again. He wishes she would stop doing that, but then he remembers himself standing beside her bed and telling her that the thing with his hand had been just some "accident" and realizes that she's maybe just not ready for some serious talk right now. And if he's honest: He isn't either. Apart from the painkillers and all the other stuff in his system that's probably messing with his head, he has a few things he just doesn't want to think about right now as well.

However, he's still officer enough that he needs to know how their mission ended and he quietly asks her what exactly happened after he'd been out. She tells him in an equally quiet way that Sheppard's team had busted the door the moment she'd thrown him to the ground, and he adds another time she saved his life to the obviously rapidly growing list. She tells him how they made it back to the 'Gate, all the while taking heavy fire from the villagers Dr. Doom had already converted into raving lunatics and that Sheppard hadn't even bothered to mention the word debriefing. When she tells him that Carson and Meyers are already in their beds, safe and sound and without a scratch, he breaths a small sigh of relief. So at least all of them got out alive.

But there's another thing he needs to know. He's noticed that Laura has carefully omitted that particular topic, and probably with good reason, but he needs to know it anyway. He just hopes she'll forgive him asking that question. "And what… happened to that enzyme guy?"

For a moment, she doesn't answer, even looks away. He already regrets asking her this, but before he can apologize, she finally answers, though still looking away. "He's dead."

He decides that it's probably best to act like her CO now, getting her back to being a soldier and distracting her from whatever pain this is causing her. "Sure?"

She nods. "Positive." And finally she looks at him again, and he's a little frightened by the pain and the confusion and the odd bit of satisfaction he sees in her eyes. "I… killed him."

She holds his gaze, if only for a moment, and he realizes that there's a lot more to that simple sentence than he thought at first. He knows he should probably ask her, make her talk to him about this, but if he has learned anything about her in their months of slowly building a friendship after Carson's death, then it's that even open-hearted Laura Cadman has stuff she doesn't want to talk about. And he's always been able to detect which ones these are. This is certainly one of them.

He wishes he could somehow show her that he cares, show her that she can count on him, that he could comfort her… his hand is just inches away from hers that she has put on his bed sheet, but even in his not quite clear state of mind he remembers that it's probably not a good idea to touch her so soon after this whole episode.

So he just takes a deep breath and days: "You did good today, Laura."

She snorts. "Now _that's_ just the painkillers talking."

Ah, good, denial and a little modesty. That's something he can handle. "No, honestly. I mean that. And I'm completely sober." Alright, maybe he isn't, but he does feel remarkably clear, considering the amount of medication his body and mind had to take today.

Laura, though, obviously thinks differently. "You, Evan Lorne, are as high as a kite right now." She even manages to roll her eyes a little and lean back with half a smirk.

Alright, if launching a conversation about how drugged he really is, is the way to distract her from everything that's haunting her, then so be it. "Am not. Believe me, I know how being stoned feels. This here… doesn't."

"And how would _you_ know how being stoned feels?" Ouch. He should have known that she would immediately get on the scent and needle him for that one. But there's no way he's going to tell _her_ how he came about his drug experience.

"That's…" She already rolls her eyes.

"For you to know and for me to find out, I know."

He grins, at least as far as that's possible with all the bruises and cuts in his face. "I was going to say "classified"."

She sticks out her tongue and grimaces a little. Then she grumbles something that sounds suspiciously like: "Classified my ass. My whole freshman year at college should be "classified"." Before he can ask her what exactly she means by that, though, she's serious again, probably because she sensed _how_ interesting he'd find that particular topic and wants to get him off that trail. He still makes a mental note to squeeze all the dirty details out of her as soon as he can, before she asks: "Evan… could you please promise me something?"

He's got no idea where she is heading with this, but well… this is Laura Cadman. There aren't many things he wouldn't promise her. In fact, he can't seem to find even _one_ at the moment. "Sure. What is it?"

She leans back and crosses her arms in front of her chest and puts a strand of her hair behind her ear, exchanging the somewhat relaxing posture she'd displayed into something a little tenser and more serious. "Don't do the Sheppard again."

He raises his eyebrow, because he really has no idea what she's talking about. "The Sheppard?"

She fawns her hand. "Yeah, you know, that whole "I can't even move my feet, but I'm going to rescue all of you single-handedly."-thing. It's not even cool when Sheppard does it. And it doesn't suit you."

Oh. _That's_ what she's been alluding to. Sheppard going off to rescue Teyla Emmagan from Michael's ship even though he would have been better off in a hospital bed. Do they really refer with "doing the Sheppard" to that in the junior ranks? He should maybe talk to Sheppard about that. But anyway, he thinks he has detected something else in her request not to do that anymore apart from the fact that she thinks it's out of character for him. "And you don't want me to take unnecessary risks."

She nods. "Yes." And then she seems to have realized what she just said. "No!" He raises his eyebrow again, and she starts to color a little. Then she grumbles: "I mean… ah hell… just don't do the Sheppard anymore. Promise me."

He knows he could prolong her embarrassment, make the color on her cheeks deepen even more… but he also senses that this _is_ important to her. And although he knows that it's probably a lie, because he can think of quite a few situations where no injury could ever hold him back from fighting, he just nods and says: "I promise." Then, because he doesn't want to relapse into a somber mood, he adds with mock reprimand: "And shouldn't you be in bed, Lieutenant?"

She shrugs and then has a look at her watch. "I've got a debriefing in two hours. No use in going back to bed now." There would be plenty of use, considering how much strength the whole thing must have cost her, but he knows without having to ask that she, along with a lot of other people, isn't really keen on facing the things that are haunting her sleep all too often.

"Well, then… what do have in mind to pass the time, huh?" She bites her lip, obviously trying to think of something. Then her gaze falls onto his nightstand and she leans forward to grab the "Princess Bride".

"How about continuing with this? You sure could use some reading therapy." Yes… actually he would like that very much right now. Something to take his mind off the question how long it will take him to be fit for duty again, and to take _her_ mind off all the things causing her nightmares. That would be really nice.

"Actually… I think you're right." He smiles at her, and she smiles back, making herself comfortable and opening the book.

"Alright, where were we? Oh, yes, the man in black and the Sicilian…" She starts reading and he leans back, closing his eyes and letting her voice wash over him in gentle little waves.

* * *

**A/N: **Whoa, _finally_... I'm really sorry for taking so long with this one, but the thing is... since last week I've got a slight software problem on my laptop (read: I totally fried my Windows XP... too many British WWII novels for me, recently... all that understatement is really starting to rub off on me), and I had to give it to my father to let him work his magic on it. At the moment I'm sitting in my office (good thing I'm all alone her and that things are really slow because it's The Big Politics Summer Hiatus), so I finally got to finish this chapter. Hope you all like it ;) Only the Epilogue to go now, but it could take me some time, because no office day tomorrow and only getting the laptop back this weekend.


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"_Every river I try to cross__  
Every hill I try to climb  
Every ocean I try to swim  
Every road I try to find  
All the ways of my life  
I'd rather be with you  
There's no way  
Without you."_

_Runrig, "Every River"_

Well… back to business. And after two weeks cooped up in the infirmary, he's even grateful for it. Alright, so, yes, it hadn't been _that_ bad, because it had meant lots of time with Laura basically doing the same for him he'd done for her when she'd been in the infirmary the last time. It had been actually nice to have, for the first time in his time with the SGC, someone to take care of him this way. Of course there'd always been team mates and other friends coming by during convalescence whenever he was chained to various infirmaries, but… to be blunt, there had never been anyone falling asleep at his bedside or devoting most of her evenings to humoring him. Although… a few times he'd had the feeling that she'd done it as much for her benefit as for his.

There had, for example, been this one evening when she had come back from the follow-up mission to the initial cave fiasco, three days after they'd been to the planet the first time. If it had been his call he'd never have allowed her to go back there and he still has no idea how she had managed to convince Sheppard and Woolsey to let her go and why she had wanted to go back there in the first place. But obviously it had been something she'd had to do anyway.

Still… she'd come back to him looking pale and sitting down beside his bed as if she'd just had been on her feet for more than 24 hours. She'd just sat there, saying nothing for what had seemed like an eternity to him. At first he'd had no idea what to say, but then it had occurred to him that he didn't need to, anyway. Instead he'd just lightly touched her fingertips with his and to his surprise she'd looked at them and simply started to tell him what had happened in a very quiet voice. And while she'd been talking… she'd inched closer with her hand – he's almost positive that she'd done it unconsciously – and in the end his had been lying loosely on top of hers.

She'd told him that they'd returned to meet with heavy resistance from the villagers that had already been contaminated. When they'd fought their way to the cave they'd left behind they'd discovered that their captor's body had still been there, even when the lab had been pretty much destroyed. But they'd been lucky enough to find the guy's databank and parts of his notes and have the compound secured enough to be able to take his body with them. She'd tried to be professional about it, but the way her hand under his had been a little skittish and the way the other hand had constantly fiddled with her hair and all the other little gestures had told him that being back hadn't exactly been easy for her. In the end, she'd been very relieved when he'd gently reminded her that they still had a chapter to finish that evening.

After that… there had been seemingly endless days of dozing, drawing, even getting back to work on a data tablet he'd had her smuggle into the infirmary for him, now and then interrupted by short visits from various people – among them not only Colonel Sheppard, but also Teyla and her son, some of his fellow officers, even Meyers once or twice – but actually he'd only been waiting for her appearance. He'd tried to tell himself time and again that he wasn't doing himself a favor if he continued to see her, because he'd already long stopped to believe that with time all his feelings would fade until there would only be the memories of them.

But he just hadn't had the heart to tell her all of this, particularly not after he hadn't been on sleeping medication anymore and the nightmares had started. The more or less uneventful routine in sick bay had also lead to times where he'd found himself starting to brood about everything that had happened, as well between them as on the mission in general. He'd welcomed every distraction, even Rodney McKay, but the best ones had always been Laura's visits.

So he even felt a little regretful when Carson Beckett had pronounced him fit for duty again and given him a discharge a few minutes ago. He was nearly out of his room, when the Doc politely cleared his throat and simply said: "By the way, Major… if you hurt her…"

He knew he could say quite a lot of things in that moment – like denying any feelings between them the millionth time or telling the Doc to mind his own business – but he also knew that all of them would have been wasted, anyway. So he just rolled his eyes before turning around and saying: "You will have my ass, I know."

But to his surprise, Beckett just smiled one of his subtle little smiles and said: "No, actually I think _she_ will have your ass."

That remark prompted a knowing grin from both of them and a "Good point, Doc." from him, and that finally marked the beginning of something of an armistice between the both of them. He somehow knew then that the Doc would probably never stop nudging him towards Laura, but that he'd do it in an absolutely friendly and good-natured way and that has eased his own guilt towards the Doc a little.

He resists the urge to sigh and straightens up his uniform. After his discharge and asking the Control Room of the whereabouts of Colonel Sheppard he decided to go straight to Sheppard's quarter and report back for duty. He knows that he's still on light duty for a couple of days, but _everything_ would be better than having to sit around for another seemingly infinite amount of time. So he knocks at the door again and the door is immediately answered.

Inside Sheppard is sitting at his desk, obviously buried in paperwork up to his neck and looking quite relieved at his intrusion. He'd have been, too, if he'd had that amount of paper on his desk. "Major! What can I do for you?"

As if Sheppard doesn't know that. But nice that he asks anyway. "I just… wanted to report back for duty, sir."

Sheppard nods. "Good to have you back, Major."

One of the things why he really likes serving under Sheppard: He really means stuff like that. He's had COs who would have chewed him out for not escaping the infirmary three days after being delivered there, but Sheppard is just happy that he _didn't_ do that. "Thank you, sir."

For a moment it looks like Sheppard wants to say something sarcastic – and he's actually afraid that it's got something to do with how frequent Laura's visits to the infirmary were – but in the end he just settles with: "Well then, if there isn't anything else…" A questioning look, but he shakes his head, happy to have gotten away without an interrogation about the nature of his relationship with a certain Lieutenant. "Dismissed. And I _know_ that you're on light duty, Major. If I catch you doing anything that is _not_ considered light duty, you'll feel very sorry for it." The last sentence is delivered with a grin, but he knows Sheppard. If he let's himself getting caught he _will_ regret it.

"Understood, sir." Sheppard nods, and he turns around again, but before he's through the door, Sheppard speaks up again.

"Oh, I nearly forgot… you happen to stumble across Lieutenant Cadman in the near future?" Argh. And here he thought he could let that topic untouched. A little wary he turns around.

"Well, probably, sir." Better be very, very careful now.

"Good. Because I need to talk to her about her missing appointments with Dr. Obanashi." Ah. He thinks he knows where this is going. Laura is obviously dodging her obligatory follow-up sessions with Obanashi, their replacement for Kate Heightmeyer and Sheppard wants him to talk some sense into her. "But I was thinking… maybe _you_ are more likely to be able to convince her that "obligatory" is not subject to interpretation about its exact meaning in this case." Yep, just what he thought.

He wants to sigh again. If Laura has resigned herself to run away from talking about all that has happened, then not even an army of Wraith could convince her to rethink her decision, consciously made or not. But that's not the point now, anyway. His CO just asked him to enforce one of his orders to one of his junior officers. There's really only one option for him. "Will do, sir. I don't think she's gonna like it, though."

Sheppard grimaces, probably because he's already seen her reaction when ordering her to see Dr. Obanashi the first time. "Me, neither. But I think she's gonna like it even less to be confined to the base until Obanashi has cleared her for off-world duty again." Oh, great. Now he doesn't only have to practically drag her into Obanashi's office, he also has to deliver Sheppard's threats to her. But Sheppard's tactic is probably the best. He's seen for himself how much all of this is still eating away at her, and if he has to force her to accept that she might need professional help, so be it.

"Agreed, sir." Sheppard nods satisfied, and he hopes that he's off the hook now.

"Which, by the way, is the same that will happen to you if you try to cheat your way out of the psycho sessions." Argh. He should have known that something like that was bound to come. No way he can get around that, now. Not that he had had that in mind… but it _is_ a little scary that your CO knows you well enough to anticipate this, even if you don't show much of your private self to him.

"Understood, sir. And… just for the record: I do feel appalled at your obvious lack of trust in me." Alright. He really should stop hanging out with Laura. Seems like part of her brazen nature is rubbing off on him.

Sheppard, though, just grins. "Not lack of trust, Major. Just making sure my second-in-command stays in top shape."

He's actually glad that Sheppard didn't take offence. Better not overstep his boundaries, now. "I appreciate that, sir."

"I hope so. Now… I suggest you go and find Lieutenant Cadman, Major. I hear she's taken a likening to a particular balcony somewhere above the West Pier, whenever she tries to hide from Obanashi." Oh. There… obviously have been quite a few things in the last two weeks she hasn't told him and that he would have liked to know about. Sheppard obviously having had to track her down one way or the other to drag her into Obanashi's office is only one of them.

"Thanks for the intel, sir. I'll better get there before she decides to find some other hideout." Sheppard nods.

"Dismissed. Oh, and Major… Ronon and I were thinking about running a few laps on the mainland now and then… if you feel up to the challenge, just let me know." Oh… the Colonel inviting him to come along on a male bonding trip? Do wonders ever cease? Sheppard and him… they always had a good working relationship, but they'd practically not shared _any_ downtime. If he's honest, mostly because _he_ had been the one closing himself off and avoid nearly all occasions where the Colonel and he could have talked on another level than professional. So probably it's an honor that Sheppard asks him this, if you consider how often he's already eluded this. Again: Only one option.

"Sure, sir. They'd have to let me off light duty at first, though." He can't hold back a grin, even if that is probably getting him in trouble, but Sheppard seems to know that he didn't mean any harm.

He just throws him a good-natured: "Out, Major. You have a Lieutenant to track down." His only answer is a casual salute and then he's out the door again.

When the door has closed behind him, he can't hold back smoothing his uniform jacket again, before he sets off to go and find Laura. This time he doesn't have to ask anyone, because he knows full well which balcony Sheppard meant. And he can't for the life of him figure out why she would choose _that_ particular one. It's not like their last encounter there had been anything else than less than stellar.

Somehow for him that balcony has become the symbol of all the things he's done wrong ever since she came back to Atlantis. Falling in love with her being the first and foremost of them. He has _no_ idea how all of that happened, but the moment he'd found the first page only covered in sketches of her, he'd known that something had changed, at least for him. Laura Cadman had always been attractive to him, but there had also always been that "Don't touch, don't look."-aura around her, because at first she'd been the Doc's girl, then she had been very obviously mourning for the Doc and then she had been millions of light-years away from him. He'd felt actually _safe_ with all that because he just _knew_ that she was off-limits.

And then she'd come back and things with the Doc just hadn't gotten on in the way they were supposed to be and he'd started to think that there _might_ be a chance… even if he knew that theoretically he was treating in dangerous territory. He sighs. Why the hell is he even thinking about all of this? He's been through this again and again, and it always came down to the point that he just has to let go of all of this. His mission now is just to hunt her down and make it clear to her that Sheppard didn't just suggest seeing Dr. Obanashi to her, but _ordered_ her to. Nothing more.

And yes, there's the balcony. He takes a deep breath and then steps out in the open. She's standing at the railing, with her back to him and her forearms on the railing. Her hair is not bound back and stirring in the soft sea breeze. She's obviously heard him stepping through the door and turns around, her facial expression turning from a frown into a surprised little smile when she sees that it's just him. Enforcing Sheppard's orders, he keeps telling himself, you're just here to enforce Sheppard's orders.

"Hey, they already let you out again?" He steps beside her and leans against the railing.

"Yes, I'm happy to have been given back duty status as well, Lieutenant." Not caring about his mock reprimanding tone, she just sticks out her tongue. "And if I recall it correctly, _you_ are supposed to be somewhere else right now." Immediately the frown returns and she turns towards the sea again. He really wishes Sheppard wouldn't have made him do this, but he'd probably tried to talk Laura into stopping this, anyway.

"I should have known that sooner or later Sheppard would put you on the hunt." She even sounds a little insulted, and he'd feel cheated as well, if he was in her stead, but it doesn't change the fact that she can't go on like this forever, because it _will_ start showing in her performance.

"Laura… You know as good as I that you're more or less violating a direct order with putting off appointment after appointment. Don't do this." She still doesn't look at him, but he can see that she knows she's defeated – probably because she's been fighting this battle of wills with Sheppard for two weeks already, and even someone as thickheaded as her has her limits – but wants to go down with a fight.

"But I'm fine. Honestly. That's just wasting time. I can deal with this on my own." Right now he wonders how Sheppard could stay calm enough not to have her confined to the brig until she talks to Obanshi by now. _He_ already has severe difficulties remaining calm and controlled.

"To be blunt: No, you can't. Do you really think you can hide _that_ from me… or from the Doc? Or Sheppard?" He needs to take a calming breath. She's closed off herself, ready to make this as hard as possible for him, and he's only inches away from either shake her to make her see how important this is for her or just take her into his arms and tell her that there is _no_ shame in admitting that some things are just stronger than you. "I _know_ how you feel about all this psycho sessions stuff. Because, in case you've forgotten that, I'm a soldier as well and I've had my share of that stuff. It doesn't… it doesn't make you less of a Marine to accept professional help now and then, you know."

And it doesn't make you less of a Marine if you let _me_ help you, he wants to add, but he's a little afraid that she'll understand it exactly the way it's meant. She's silent for a very long time – in fact she's had those long silent spells quite often recently, and that has really started to worry him – but he's developed enough patience to stand beside her and wait for whatever she's going to say. Doesn't change the fact that being in so close proximity to her does all kinds of funny things to his heart, though. The longer the silence endures, the harder it becomes for him to keep to his resolution and keep his hands away from her.

Finally she takes a deep breath and says: "You're… you're right. It's just that… the thought of talking about this to a stranger, alone… it's just…" He understands her. Without another word from her he understands her and that scares him. How is he supposed to be able to serve alongside her, never being able to offer her more comfort than holding her hand for a few minutes or squeezing her shoulder?

"I know. But do you really want to run away from this until it's going to start to show in your performance? Do you really want to let all of this ruin your career?" He so wants to run his thump along her cheek, like she did to distract him from Carson treating his injuries, but all he does is stand there and hold her gaze, willing her to think clearly again.

She holds out longer than he would have thought and then purses her lips and surrenders. "Alright. No, I don't." And with that it's settled. He knows without doubt that she's going to make an appointment the first moment she can and won't miss any more sessions. Laura Cadman may be a very attractive fun-loving young woman, but most of all she's a _Marine_. It's in her blood, and if everything else fails, you always get her with this. "Oh, and by the way: I never knew you could be such a manipulative bastard." Oh well, and she's very aware of all these facts. He wants to tell her that _he_ is supposed to go to theses appointments as well, but she suddenly seems to have realized what she just said and starts to color a lovely shade of pink. "Oh God, I didn't… I just wanted…"

"Laura…" He wants to tell her that he doesn't take offence – mostly because there _is_ some truth in that – but she just won't let him.

"I know that was totally out of line and I…"

"Laura…" She's really out of sorts now, and the blush on her cheeks is really messing around with his head.

"I'm totally sorry…" That doesn't mean, though, that he'll let her interrupt him again and again.

"_Lieutenant_!" She jerks to attention immediately.

"_What_?" They have turned to each other and it seems like time has slowed down for him. The wind is blowing a few strands into her face, but she doesn't bother to move them away. One of them is shortly caught by her mouth and he finds his eyes glued to her lips for a few moments.

He blinks and forces himself to grin. "Just shut up." But before she can answer anything, something in him switches and he… bends down and kisses her. And in the moment she starts kissing him back he knows that even though this is probably one of the most stupid decisions he ever made, it's still the best thing that ever has happened to him and that he will never let her go again.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, that's it, folks. First of all: I hope you don't mind I let the shipper in me prevail, **mac**, but my inner realist is just too weak ;) Then I would like to say that writing this was a lot of fun, and your reviews, encouragement and inspiration had a major part in this. I hope you liked the ending. And maybe... you should look out for other stories, because I still owe _someone_ a gutter piece (which is already done) and have a few other general ideas floating around in my head. But I think that I'll now take a little time and write at least one new chapter for my OC SG1 story "Minor Characters" (I know a few of you have read this one as well). And then... we'll see ;)


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